NaMe : AmBeR
Loves : AvErLyN
Hates : BiTchEs, LiArs, BeTraYaL
Fears : CoCkroAchEs
Weakness : Soft-hearted = FOOLISHNESS

:: get a car by 28 ::
:: get a car license by 26 ::
:: get a house by 26 ::
:: to weigh 45kg ::
:: to go swimming twice per month ::
:: get osim product for my parents ::
:: go for yoga lessons ::
:: go for holiday trips ::
:: to bake my first cake ::
:: go drinking once per month ::
:: to buy psp ::
:: start saving money ::
:: get promotion ::
:: to b blessed in my life ::

:: Agu ::
:: Christina ::
:: Esther ::
:: Geswin ::
:: Gracina ::
:: Hsien Yung ::
:: Hui Si ::
:: Jun Wei ::
:: Li Ting ::
:: Liwen ::
:: Wayne ::
:: Wei Ting ::
:: Yan Qi ::
:: Yan Wan ::
:: Yong Xing ::
:: Yuki ::

Melissa's Design

April 2007
June 2007
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November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
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October 2008
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December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
August 2009
September 2009

对的。我就是世界上最大的傻瓜。

兜了一圈，事情还是要发生。
好累啊。我觉得我做人真失败， 连最基本的角色都做不好。
给彼此太多自由空间不见得是件好事。
别人都没有我那么无所谓得让另一半整天去喝酒， 把妹。
因为我不想让他觉得我把他绑得太紧，不然他没有其他地方消遣， 发泄。
到头来又发生了什么事？

有时候我真的不知道我该如何‘控制’他。
有时跟他说不要做一些会伤害我的事， 但是他听不进。因为他想讨好另一个人。

我真的好累。累得不想去理。 但是我的心会痛。他知道吗？
有时真的不知道我倒地在他心里吗？
为什么有再次伤了我的心？

难道要我真的放弃， 他才知道错吗？
好累啊！
I WAS HERE @ 4:30 PM l 1Comment

yo ppl......
its been such a long time since i update my entry. dont worry, everything is fine all these while, just tt i duno wat to write.

well well, where should i start my update..abit lost becz my eyes are fixing on the movie '300', ooh..i like this movie, i like e effect n stories, hehe...
kk, i shall start.

abt work ba..Lucy left and she just gave birth on 29/7 and joreen is earlier~28/7. i must salute to Joreen who did it in 100% natural birth~! omg~! she is someone hu is so scare of pain yet she did not take any injection. such a brave mama~! but i hope she is doing well cz i noe her emotions r up n down.. Lucy choose e easy way bcz she went for full c section but she is stronger as in she can put down things easier so i tink she will cope well.

abt workplace, i have a new colleague J who replaced Lucy a month ago, i noe she is frustrated but she has to learn to cope w it n hope she dont leave so soon. becz she owas saying tt she dont know how we can work here so long. i have another colleague comin in in mid Aug too. so this means my team will b 5 ppl :)
but bad news is my head of dpt is leaving n now we do not know who will replace her. i noe tt E rejected e offer so left 2 ppl, 1 is my leader n e other is frm e deg dept. if i were to choose, of cz i choose my leader becz she has better quality den e other. but well, sekali new ppl come in to replace her..
but my stupid colleague kp tellin ard tt i will get promoted if my leader go to e post. honestly i hope so but sekali i get nth n i no face to c ppl liao. yes i wan promotion yet i scare i cant make it to e standard. i noe my leader is giving me more things to take care of my team but i don dare to tink too much becz i scare of failure. so lets take things easy, life still goes on if things remain e same.

abt personal life...well, my hubby stilll e same..he got a new job in a shippin industry, glad tt its a gd pay but duno whether isit becz of e better pay, he is spending much. i m getting pissed tt he is going out to drink almost every weekend or even weekdays..its like at least 5 times per month? these 2 weeks already 5-6 times liao.. initially i m so happy tt he get gd pay cz he can start saving finally but things dont seems so...he mentioned abt buying car but i dont wan a car.... i wan a house..but can we achieve it? i reali hope so but e first step he need to change is to reduce his drinking......
there r times he said he is fortunate to hav me cz i m understanding cz i trust him to go out drink. i m not tt concern tt he will fool ard cz i trust him is oni abt $$$....hai...lets wait n see if he will change.. had a quarrel w him over money 2weeks ago..dun wish to bring $ issue up else we 2 black face again.

lastly, abt my Averlyn..well, she is getting smart but naughty too. i m able to communicate w her more n enjoy playing w her but sometimes she get over my head. tts when i use cane.........haha

k la, its tired, shall stop here cz quite slpy liao..take care folks~!
I WAS HERE @ 11:45 PM l 0Comment

life is just getting more n more meaningless for me.
as i grow older, e more i feel sick of life.

how i spend my bday?
full of bullshit.
frenz wanna make plans for mi, but all worried if my hubby will 'book' me.
so i drag n drag....in e end i decided to reserve my nite w him n push away outing w my sec sch frenz when most of them can make it.
i regretted my decision.

its my bday, he nv make ANY plans. i m e one to ask if he wan to go for dinner. present? a breadtalk cake only? i search e whole room n ther is no surprise.
when we meet for dinner, he told me his pay not in n maybe bcz this is his last mnth thus company giving him cheque.
nvm..dinner i pay lo... cz i was thinking, nvm, he is going to b jobless so i pay.

then guess wat?
he is now at ST JAMES~!! FUCK~!

wat r all the bullshit tt he told me that he will not go to drink when he do not have a job and will stay at home to save money. no money to buy mi a meal n present but got $ to go drink. so wat if he said he will oni have to pay $50 there cz many ppl there? tink i m only 3 yrs old kid or 1st day go out drink?! taxi fare leh? here n there add up, at least 100+ lo.

come on... i worked hard as a wife n mum n this is wat i get for my bday? bullshit.
just a sentence saying i love u.. who cares~ action speak louder than words.
i dun nid him to buy mi exp presents, but at least things tt make mi happy la. give mi a cake nia?
i beginning to hate Averlyn more each day.
y i gave birth to her? y my life become miserable cz of her?
y i go aniwhere ppl owas ask mi bring her along? i m VERY TIRED to bring her out. i dont have time to spend on my own w my frenz. everytime bring her out i m e last to eat yet i hav to eat e fastest n play w her else she throw her temper. i wan to slp long hrs oso canot cz i got to take care of her.
wat is her father doing? play games all e time. did he really take care of her? NO! i nv had more than 8hrs of slp straight cz of bb. he can and sometimes he choose not to cz he play game. i wan to watch tv n let bb play alone in e room, he yell cz bb cling on his chair n he cant concentrate in his game.

when can i have a gd rest~! i oso wan to slack n do my own things n heck care abt bb but can i? can i?
sometime i show her no mercy when i beat her. damn fed up to see her ruin my life. dun blame mi for giving her scars if her father dont give me support. i dont want support from his mum all e time. it just make mi wan to do more to make up for her.
duno how she b a mum too. she oni gd in scolding but no gd in bringin up her kids.

I HATE MY LIFE~! i dont feel appreciated at all when i m home. am i a married woman or single mother~! i m getting more n more sick of all ppl n tt includes Averlyn~!
w/o her i can go aniwher late at nite, w/o her i can do OT everyday to clear tt stupid never ending tasks, w/o her i can slp as long as i want. w/o her i dun nid to wake up so often at nite to pad her to slp when she juz cries for no reason.

argh~! canot stand it. no support from him at all. i cant take it. his last day is next week n he seems so relax, i dun wan to amend his resume for him again, i m so tired to do so many things for him. cz he dont seem to do anything for me~!


argh argh argh~!
i noe my managers r givin mi more tasks to do to prove myself at work. doing things tt my fellow colleagues dont nid to do. i have to work more hard at work but w/o his support to take care of bb, i realli so piss off n cant concentrate at work.
i want to b promoted, i wan pay raise, but even thigns r going in my way now but i m so tired at home. sometimes i m just draggin myself to go home. n yeah, i forget sth.
i dont know y must he owas get his frenz to tag alnog when we go out? go movie oso ask fren tag, ytd my bday oso ask fren tag. if he dont wan to spend time alone w mi then tell mi, i HATE when we can go out alone n he call his frenz if they wan to join.

argh............................................

going crazy, all i can do now is to vet my anger on her. n dont blame mi for tt cz i duno where to vet my anger~!!!!!!

everyday eat 1 panadol extra, see how early shall i die from it den everyone happy~!
I WAS HERE @ 12:17 AM l 0Comment

juz bk home frm e movie, fast n furious 4, watched w hubby n abner...n oso joreen n her hubby cz all in same cinema..
at first quite excited over movie but just before e movie starts, my mood is destroyed.

ya... by tt stupid grp of hubby frenz tt i hate e most. cz they are a grp of ppl hu r lazy, fking lazy n useless.. i dun like ppl of tt kind of category..oni noe how to spend mama $ n do nth. n worst of all, they go to those pubs tt r so mani chinas gals.

but he will not listen to me de la. told him tt he whole day nv slp n went swimmin n basketball, still dun wan to rest n yet want to join tt grp of useless ppl. hope he just dun collapse as he did not slp at all.

so irritated by tt. erk~! spoil my mood.
but anyway, my mood is spoil long ago. i duno y i gettin more irritated by him. ssometimes wonder y he just dun wan to get his butt out of e pc.
sometimes i m realli tired to take care of bb but he nv offer help. sometimes i juz walk into our room he will ask mi bring in his food or take his bowl or cup out of e room. today, he wanted to watch tt movie n i ask him to check internet, yet he ask mi check newspaper. wtf, cant he juz click e icon to open firefox n check? check newspaper? later i still nid to use internet to book e tix!

argh.......... i want to go out hv fun w frenz n dun wan to come bk home to take care of bb. everytime go late, i still make myself wake up early in e mornin to take care of bb. in e end i m super tired cz not enuf slp. if i tell him tt, he confirm ask mi to get his mum to take care in e morn. y cant he just offer n help? if he can realise tt bb is stayin away from him, then he shd do his part to acc bb more.

i m just tired to take care of bb on my own n hav to serve a big bb in our room.
i m excited to get a new flat but i m afraid tt i cant cope n die in the house cz everytime i will nid to do myself cz he just play games 24/7.


i oso start to realise sth. y when we go movie, y muz him get others to tag along? y cant just both of us? he been acc his frenz for drinks n y we cant get our own time tgt?
argh...duno y i m gettin so piss off......perhaps i m not getting any support from him. sianz........ppl call mi wonder mama cz everything i do myself. but its not tt i wanted it but it is bcz he is not helping mi......

dun tok abt him anymore..he is already makin mi to drink at home again. n i cant get drunk totally cz i hav to take care of bb in e morn again...damn..........

my bday is coming....i reali duno if i shd expect sth frm him or i juz plan my day with my frenz w/o him. i wan to go n hv fun......but can i? so sian to tink abt my bday...........argh~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

abt work leh.....hai.......i noe tt cf is stress but she is too stress lately tt she cant take it. i duno to offer my help anot cz i scare i cant cope with my things for doin tt. hai...dilemma..


k k k k
duno wat to write.........juz wanna another cup of drink w super thick vodka to dose off..

take care folks~!
I WAS HERE @ 2:07 AM l 0Comment

duno y i always sign when i talk about work....
as mentioned in my previous entry... 2 bestie r leaving... n both r confirmed to leave in april... 1 go to new loc, 1 go unpaid leave...den now...1 more might switch dept...n guess wat? the one i dislike just tender on monday..
wow wow wow...so many ppl leaving... it surely affect my mood even though i still hv interest in the work.
funny is.. mayb e more sad u feel, u will act differently in office..i m becoming more n more talkative there... i muz control myself... cz, to me, if i see such person, n if i dun like her, i can reali hate this type of ppl, wahahaha...
n 1 more thing is.. more n more ppl tell mi secrets. so i hav to kp A's secret from all, then keep B's secret..den C's....etc.. in e end, i kp so many things to myself.

nvm...i jus do my work ba.. life still moves on....

hubby wn to quit job..i nv stop him..cz i noe he dun like it at all..but i m glad tt he ask mi if i m piss ant...i juz say no lo..but more or less will b worried abt $..but hope everything is ok..

kk got to stop...bb kp wakin up n askin for mi..
sianz... drink vodka but mayb add too little..haha
kk, she crying again..

take care folks~!
I WAS HERE @ 1:08 AM l 0Comment

wow...super busy last week... so long nv felt so stress at work but nvm, its aldy over..n now i m still busy but not tt stress..
got some shocking news from someone n was rather sad tt she made this decision..but... nvm, working society always hv ppl come n go... she will be gone for a few months.. but i guess tt she will still quit whne she return...

so i will b more stuck.. stuck in e world tt i duno hu to look for in future...
my kaki are leaving 1 by 1... another kaki will be shifting to new building somemore.. i wll be more sian....argh~! will ther b e usual laughters in e office like now?

sometimes i wonder if its gd or bad tt my direct boss is praising mi in emails n my team mates n bigger direct boss r in it.. i tink twice in a month liao... will others tink otherwise? but those r juz simple follow ups... or maybe she noes we r tired n trying to make us happier? haiz....

i dio 2 complaints tgt.. 1 from a student's mum n 1 from my current class.. so sian n irriated by them.... i dun care if i m rude to e mum cz she is expectin mi to chekc on her son every min n her son failed 9 modules out of 10~!
next guy is a kns guy.. no one likes him n tts include every1... my boss..acdemic head...director all seen him n buai tahan him...

argh.. i m always liday.. once i m hit by someting, i get so down.... how to b a leader in future? i tink tts y horoscope says tt a taurus cant b a leader...


back to my personal life..
i m pissed w him last week. yes really pissed..
i m so tired n was abt to slp at 12am.. he called n said tt he is drunk n ask mi to go mrt to pick him up.
qn 1: y his frenz duno how to send him to our block
qn 2: he has to work tml n yet he get drunk, n i mean damn drunk?
qn 3: who r e ppl he go with? if its ppl i noe, they sure send him to our house but hu r them? i can allow him to go drink but i wan to know hu so that i can contact e person if there is anything happen..

12am... i walked to mrt in my shorts...walked so many rounds ard mrt cz he dun pick up my calls, n i felt like an idiot to do tt n ppl r lookin at mi... finally he picked up e call n he is at a corner tt i nv expect..
n guess wat? a super drunk man in front of me.. even i call him he oso no respond n juz sit there, refuse to move. wtf.. yes, i was cursing n swearing as i carried him back. he is not light n he is so drunk till i m supporting 75% of his body... worst..he vomited on e street n i kp telling him not to lie on e vomit area...
omg... imagine.. u got to drag someone home n e person is damn smelly n wet?! he still can argue tt i walk wrong way when he is drunk.n i duno how long i took to reach home.. worst.. hav to clean him up... took cloth soaked w warm water...slowly clean his face n body.. argh~! when i get my bb to slp w me so tt he can slp below.. n guess wat? i juz left my room n he vomitted in the room~!!!!

i was goin crazy n scold him loud for e mess he created.. n all these wake my bb up~!
argh~! hav to clean him up n settle bb down.. wanted to throw his rubbish away yet bb cried once i wanted to leave e room... i was really pissed...
pissed till i dun wan to tok to him e next day. even he said sori n i nv reply him abt tt.

y? hu? i m very fedup w hu he went out with? y tt grp of ppl so brainless? get him so drunk n send him to mrt nia? i nv ask cz i noe it muz b new frenz.. cz old frenz noe wat to do n i dun hv to worry so muhc..

i m juz so pissed w him....n i hope he dun do it again.. i nv get so drunk outside lo.. i noe i hav to b clear minded..not nice to get drunk outside too..but i duno wats he tinking...


argh.. i hate last week.. so busy n stress at work n he made mi more worried..
argh~! i reali hope he can change to better.. n i tink he can.. yes.. he is improving slowly to b a better dad n hubby.. i muz b patient n giv him time to change slowly... juz hope he dun buttock itchy n look for new target will do.. cz he shd noe very clearly tt i will not accept another nonsense n will do sth tt i almost did tt time.
our lives might b boring but i hope we will stay on.. esp for e sake of our gal.. giv him mroe time n he has to learn to b content n i tink tt will do e job :)

ok la.. stop here.. kp coughin nowadays...sian...
weathers r bad lately too..so take care folks~!
I WAS HERE @ 9:07 PM l 0Comment

背影 --- i oso duno y i started to fall in love with this song after Yoga concert..

somehow, some parts of e lyrics are so nice...

well, his concert is not bad..as in his singing skills but in terms of interacting w audience... he need a lot of improvement..but ke lian him when SHE is out.. ma chiam its SHE concert, haha..but it didnt affect his performance..haha..

hmm...its been a super stress week for me.. lots of things to rush n seriously, i havent complete them.. i m pissed, yes i m. bcz of e colleague tt i dun like cz some ppl refer their prob to me when they cant get her to do it..

aiya.. my bb is back.. got to stop here.

but.. hav to mention is tt, i've applied bto in woodlands, n i hope i can get it.

take care folks~
I WAS HERE @ 6:19 PM l 0Comment

三公分陽光　三公分空氣
堵在眼前　像一面玻璃
擋住了妳表情　剩下 只有腳印

一直向前走　走不完距離
一直向後　退不出回憶
很高興有心事　幫我 困住自己

妳頭髮上淡淡青草香氣
變成了風才能和我相遇
妳的目光　蒸發成雲
再下場雨我才能夠靠近

感謝我不可以　住進妳的眼睛
所以才能　擁抱妳的背影
有再多的遺憾　用來牢牢記住
不完美的所有美麗

感謝我不可以　擁抱妳的背影
所以才能　變成妳的背影
躲在安靜角落
不用妳回頭看 不用珍惜
(如果妳回頭看 不用在意)

我懷裡所有溫暖的空氣
變成風也不敢和妳相遇
我的心事　蒸發成雲
再下成雨卻捨不得淋溼妳
I WAS HERE @ 6:14 PM l 0Comment