Friday, November 02, 2007

Nervous, excited or fear?

aRgh... another fren of mine jz gave birth. 11days earlier den her edd. (estimated delivery date)
in a couple of weeks later, its elynn's turn, den either my turn or jasmine turn..
OMG.. so fast.. cant imagine e ball ball i carrying for q sometime is coming out so soon.
other mama to b r excited to 'get rid' of e ball ball asap but for mi, i'm not sure..
felt tt there r many tings not prepared yet, though i oni left abit to buy. perhaps my mentality is not ready to b a mama yet. whenever i see my hubby so relax n do nth but playing games at home, i felt stress. i noe i couldnt ask him not to play cz he b doin nth if he dun play. but somehow felt tt he nv realli sit down n discuss bb future n stuff with mi at all.

dun take my irregular shift as an excuse cz i had my long off last week liao. i juz felt lost when no one is discussin wat i shd do or prepare. bb name havent confirm n my hubby is not helpin to tink at all. everythin anithing or pass to his parents to decide. bb bed n boxes duno when he goin to buy e teresa they all. he jz say tings not ready yet so dun buy 1st. but wat else to wait? i still worried abt e pain i got to go thru during e labour. so scary.. hesitating if i shd take e injection if i reali cant stand e pain anot.. so ex.. n will hav side effects. not much pl tt i noe do not take tt. wondering i can tahan anot. or even, is my hubby goin to b by my side when i screamin for help anot.

ar..... change topic..

i tink i spent too much yesterday.. buy my nursing stuffs and outing, spent abt $150++ liao.. heartpain. tink i not joinin outing till i giv birth. duno y aft my long off, i felt tired n slpy easily. frm 11pm onwards i long to go home. last nite too. tot of goin kbox aft dessert which end at 930. bt not all wanted it so we went to a pub. of cz i had my orange juice nia. but i was bored to death liao. all tokin abt e drinkin trips tt i missed due to my pregnancy. n oso tokin abt e upcoming drinkin trips. or some tokin abt their holiday trips.. i hav nth much to tok too. cz all i m not involve n i cant join them. i was there juz listenin their topics, staring into air. no one realli observe tt i v tired n wanted to go back. even when there r times tt we r so silence oso no ppl voice to go back.

in e end all went back at 1230 cz lights r off. i m too tired n wanted to rest alone in e cab till i told them i takin cab alone. duno i seems unfriendly anot but i heck care. cz i m aldy v sian inside.

this sun tink i goin back amk. realli hope hubby rem tt he promised to go back w mi this time. he said tt last week when i threw temper at him. so long nv hang up his phone when he called mi. tink i hang abt more den 5calls from him. he oso nv mention anithing abt it abt tt despit i sms him my unhappiness.

i had several weird dreams last nite. dreamt abt bb again. abt hubby abt mother in law. all weird weird. even had nite mare abt crows again e nite be4. duno isit cz e fear within mi is acting up.
felt tt distance bet mi n hubby drifting apart as we seldom tok at home.. felt so lost at work too. getting more n more lazy at work. started to countdown e days i hav at vivo liao....

life is so bored...... oni can sayang my bb whenever she kicks mi. nvm, monday i shall see her again.. thru e scan... tts e oni day i look forward every month.

I WAS HERE @ 3:28 PM l 0Comment