NaMe : AmBeR
Loves : AvErLyN
Hates : BiTchEs, LiArs, BeTraYaL
Fears : CoCkroAchEs
Weakness : Soft-hearted = FOOLISHNESS

:: get a car by 28 ::
:: get a car license by 26 ::
:: get a house by 26 ::
:: to weigh 45kg ::
:: to go swimming twice per month ::
:: get osim product for my parents ::
:: go for yoga lessons ::
:: go for holiday trips ::
:: to bake my first cake ::
:: go drinking once per month ::
:: to buy psp ::
:: start saving money ::
:: get promotion ::
:: to b blessed in my life ::

:: Agu ::
:: Christina ::
:: Esther ::
:: Geswin ::
:: Gracina ::
:: Hsien Yung ::
:: Hui Si ::
:: Jun Wei ::
:: Li Ting ::
:: Liwen ::
:: Wayne ::
:: Wei Ting ::
:: Yan Qi ::
:: Yan Wan ::
:: Yong Xing ::
:: Yuki ::

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its been 2 weeks since my little one is born into this world but i m getting more and more tired each day. i thought confinement supposed to mean that the mother should have alot of rest while the rest do the job? my life is never been nice to me...
Having a wound on my stomach doesnt mean i don't need to get up in the middle of the night to attend to my baby. looking at the person sleeping so soundly beside me while i keep getting up and down for my baby really make me feel that why am i doing all these. i did slim down these weeks but why is it so? i guessed its because i havent been sleeping well since day 1 and yet the person who slept alot always complain he not enough sleep.
my temper is getting worst lately, health is not at the peak too. having some problem to pump milk as i always wanted to puke out when i do so. Checked with my sisters and frenz and none of them have the same situation before.
i really wanted to leave just like that but i know i could not. why am i trapped in this world in such a way. Why world is nv been fair to me, wat have i done to deserve such a lifestyle? being nice to others doesnt mean i deserve gd things. sometimes really tired until i duno i will fall aslp while trying to feed her and i drop her onto the floor anot. sometimes so fed up with the person beside me till i dont care when baby is crying and continue sleeping so that he can be waken up by the crying and handle the problem himself. this is wat i did last nite. i only slpt 3hrs the day be4 while he slpt 8-9 hrs. i only had my 4hrs slp jz now due to e solution i wrote just now becz he has been sleeping soundly for at least 5hrs. wat does weekend mean? it should mean that husband help his wife more when he has lots of time at home. but y mine is still playing the bloody fking warcraft all the time. otherwise meeting frens and wanting to go his grandma house?? am i and my baby transparent? i have been stuck at home to face the baby and loneliness. and his mum oso nv leave the house to help me out and yet the father is doing all this fking rubbish? wat r all my tears and advise i given him? he forgotten so fast again? sometimes i juz cried in e middle of the night while feeding baby. why i cant juz open the window and jump off? to let him handle everything himself.. to make him wake up when something is gone forever? even his close frenz asked mi to be independent becz he will nv learn and be thoughtful for others. to give my baby a complete family is a wrong choice? i should have chosen the path to be a single mum in the beginning? i cant imagine how life would become when i go back to workplace. even now, i have lots of time, i felt so tired, let alone when i go back to work.
why his parents dont know how to bring up kids well? my hubby lidat and dun mention tt bloody useless and fking brother. i juz diao him when i walk pass him. how i wanted to giv him a slap and kick him out of the house everytime he turn into a mad dog. a complete failure. serve him right tt ppl call him bull dog cz he did has a bulldog face.

ARGH~! i cant stand my life~! i need a long break.. i need a long sleep. i do not have suppprt from him when i in labour bcz he was there beside me but he as watching tv and sleeping while i screaming for help. i do not have support from him when baby cries and i m the one waking up in the middle of the night to feed her and attend to her.
i shd have stayed in fish n co to be a fulltimer and not join carls jr. if i did tt, all these will be diff. perhaps my life is better.
life sux... till now i still dun feel tt my baby come from me... cant imagine she is the one from my stomach. i m juz so tired... v v v tired of my life....
I WAS HERE @ 2:50 PM l 3Comment

hehe.. i m back~!
Hmm, where did i stop.. stopped at delivery process?? ok. lets tok abt life aft she is back home.

of cz, i m excited tt i can discharged with baby tgt cz she has risk of gettin huang dan.. but now ok liao..
my room oni change alittle bit.. bed arrangement lo.. seems ok ba but i hav to ensure i dun throw my pillow to bb bed cz she juz slping bside mi.
1st nite is terrible.. i tink i nv heel mil advise. i see bb cry i feed her, by rite its 3hrs feed once but everytime i breastfeed her, she drink 10mins den stop. by rite its 15-20mins per side but she oni drink 10mins 1 side n tts it. den she get hungry v fast. every 40-1hr she cried once. terrible~! i cant slp at all. hubby was slping soundly aft 4am but i nv slp till 7+. cz mil came in e room to ask y she kp cryin n ask mi to slp while she take over. but nv slp long cz got visitors. but my eyes was v obvious with dark circles. den we decided tt we shall feed her milk powder at nite so we noe how much she drinks. n now, i pump out milk den feed her thru bottle cz lidat i noe how much she drank n how much to increase the amount.

2nd nite was q funny. bb keep crying on her new bed.. mayb too small den she cant slp. den we tinkin y she can slp so soundly on sofa e whole afternn? den we shift 2 pcs of e sofa to make it as her bed. n she did slp better liao but she tend to move alot when slpin in my room. when she slp in living room, she so guai n nv move.. haha..

shitting n change diapers, wipe body in e afternn, feedin her. my worst nite mare is still feeding her. my record was 5mins 50ml, so happi when she so guai. everytime feed her will take at least 30mins, sometime 1 hr. but now, sian.. mi n hubby feed her, she owas left 10-20ml dun wan to drink, cz she fell aslp. but when my mil feed her e remaining, she can finish. diao~! so bu gan yuan.. i copied all tactics used by hubby n mil but i still cant master. but diaper ok liao.. within 5mins chopchop done. haha...

mil n fil told mi tt bb is clever cz she noe how to suck her pacifier cz some bb oni noe how to do tt when they 1 week old while she juz 4-5days n she noe how liao. but duno gd anot cz dun intend to let her suck so much. but bo bian.. when she cries, u juz wanna try all tings to stop her from crying.. esp in e middle of e nite..hahaa..

till now i still no enuf slp.. owas bcz bb refuse to slp well at nite.. but everytime when time is approaching 5am i v happi cz mil waking up den i can pass her to take over, wahahaa.. den i go slp till10+.. so basically oni slp 4-5hrs per day.. argh...~!! i miss my 8-10hrs slp when i m pregnant.

now i understand y ppl will say i will miss e time when bb in my tummy.. it is v true~!!!
ok.. tok long enuf.. feelin slpy.. got to go slp a while... i take every opportunity to slp in e aftnn when she helping mi. at nite i can slp more den 2hrs cz i got to b up to feed her. hubby did help to feed n sayang her. oni tt he dun change diapers n wipe her body. nvm, help to feed ok liao.. can see he love our bb too..hhe.. did noe how to sayang mi at times.. not to mention my fil.. everytime see him sit beside sofa to look at his grand daughter.. esp she is born on his bday, haha.. k la.. v tired..

take care folks~!
I WAS HERE @ 2:12 PM l 0Comment

yo ppl...i m back~! not alone but w my baby gal.. name as stated as abv...
潘妍廷 but e yan is diff pronunciation as yw n yq.. mine is yan2.. name is 1st choice given by fortune teller... it sound ok n to respect my fil, we take it.. oni tt his cousin oso call en ting... so we hav 2 ting born in tis yr.. hehehe..

but her delivery is a torture!!!! even her 1st day home oso make my life miserable, oni slp 2hrs.. cz she every 40mins wake up crying for milk... n i havin bad muscle ache esp my left hand.no strength liao.. hahaaa.. lucky mil helped mi... if nt i dun hav e 2hrs of slp...

16dec 3am..as mi n hubby gonna slp. pain came.. den 5mins again n again..oops.. saw blood too..i was tinkin tt is it... 2 out of e 3 signs came..tahan till 4am to call dr ang..asked mi to reach hosp at 8.
but i cant take it till 6am n more blood is seen. i heck care n wake hubby to get ready. he is pissed cz he havent slp much n i drag him up, haha.. den fil, mil drove mi to hosp. when i reach i was like.. oh shit.. i not pain liao..how? if false alarm den i will b v paiseh..hahaa.. but wrong. pain come soon.. i was like help~! wher is my doc?? den a nurse help mi check n my cervis not open at all~!! kns.. but pain liao lo.. y nt open.. nvm, i stayed in delivery ward to tahan abit while they monitor e cervis.. while hubby slpin on e chair.. dr ang is here.. n again, cervis not open.. n he ask mi go home 1st.. i was like wth... pain till lidat ask mi go home... i was crying when i heard tt.. its like... i pain every 3-5mins n tell mi not open n telll mi go home?! in e end he ask mi to go normal ward as delivery ward more ex..as charged by hr..

ok..to normal ward aft stayin in d.ward for 5hrs. lunch came but i cant eat cz pain set in every 5mins.. i was trying to tolerate it too.. tot tings r gettting better n i tot of goin back too.. den aft xueli n lifeng came to visit mi at 3pm.. duno y pain came back.. n more worst.. at 1st i still can go walk ard to call sis n mum while pain came slowly.. den when i take a walk w them outside.. i in pain for every 5mins.. i was leaning on e wall when i in pain.. go to bed still e same. hubby not ard as he went for lunch.. den i was tinking to take epidural anot if still so pain.. i realli dun wan but its pain... but i called dr ang to tell him tt i wan to induce.. meaning to put pill inside to make cervis open faster. 5pm.. nurse came to check. oni open 1.5cm. my god~! i in pain liao lo.. dr ang still not in sight though i called him at 2+. he finally came at 6 n tell mi open 2cm.. which mean open 0.5 cm in 1 hr time... den 10cm = ?? 16hrs?? i told him i cant take it n wanted epidural..but he told mi not yet. 3cm den can take n will take 8-10hrs to lose effect. i was like wth... 3cm meanin 2more hrs?? i was crying for help adly.. pain set in 2-3times every 1 min.. 1min hor... i realli grabbed hubby hand for help when it came. i feel like shitting when contractions came, i tried to push when it come. tts wat my sis advise mi to do so.

doc is leaving n i cant take it.. i decide to go for ops. i noe another 8-10hrs i reali duno how i gonna take it. y frenz n others oni take 8-10hrs to finish everything n i aldy in pain for 16hrs n still 2cm? i considered all e aft effect to take ops n i reali wanted to go for natural birth w/o epidural but i cant take it liao.. hubby called doc to tell him my decision. doc oso like dun wan to do it cz he wanted mi to go for natural but i insist.

so he came.. i was push to ops room from 630+ onwards.. when nurse came to get ready i was telling them to wait when my contraction came. ok..7pm.. i started taking injection to ma zhui n on drip. soon i feel numb in lower body.. v weak.. they testing if i can feel pain n i did not detect ani. ok, ops started.. i know my stomach is moving.. but no pain.. soon doc ang call another doc to push out baby for mi. ouch~! no la oni pain a few sec n i heard baby crying.. hehe.. wa~ tears came out as soon as i heard it. but hubby nv cry la..hahaa.. den they put my baby in front of mi for 5mins? let mi see my little 1 be4 pushing her to take measurement w hubby. den they started stitching mi.. n my side effect set in.. which is shivering. i saw fil mil n his grandma when i was pushed out. but i was trembling liao.. they tot wat happen too..haha.. den i was lying there to watch star awards.. but fell aslp in between e show cz xueli n lifeng wanted to come see mi. i told them dun nid cz i v tired. xueli ok w it but i duno lifeng is not with her.. n she is comin.. n she came at 10pm.. i was lke v v v slpy... so i toktokt till 10+ den she left n i rest.

wah.. type v long, stop here as part 1.. part 2 to b contid.. got to go eat..mil rushing...

take care folks~!
I WAS HERE @ 4:36 PM l 1Comment

Ooo.. juz 4more days n i tink she is coming~! haha.. last nite gav mi scares mi q alot.. suddenly bad backpains which i nv encounter during my pregnancy.. then stomach pain... tok abt stomach pains, i made feng n tian so nervous when we at amk hub de mos burger. cz toktoktok den i say i pain, nid to go shit..in e end nth come out.. den within 30mins i pain again, n again nth comes out. they tot i wanna giv birth liao, haha.. but i tink to myself its laosai pain so nv take it to heart but oni feel uneasy. soon i chopchop go home, in case more pain comes.

worst is.. when i goin to bed at 1, backaches came.. wa... pain sia...duno isit cz i walked too much in e day den pain..hubby helped mi massage abit.. though it still pain but nvm, try to endure. den comes e stomach aches.. argh.. nvm endure again..but trying to keep track of e time.. in end.. all intervals r not regular.. so i noe its false alarm again..hai..

nvm, but i tink she comin out v soon le ba.. nv felt tt pain be4.. ok back to e 'events' i had yst. went to amk to get ready e cross stitches to do durin confinement. be4 tt i went to bank to settle some stuffs. in e end kena 'counsel' to get saving accounts n stuff..sian..but its still ok, starting to read up all these to plan for future liao, haha.. went to select e pics i wan, took q sometime.. mayb cz wanna do sth special for bb but found 1 tt i nid to sew e words. shop owners discussin e sex of my bb..haa.. e old auntie surprised when i told her its a gal. haha.. nvm i get used le. my galgal special ma.. sekali she is a tomboy..haha..faint~!

well, aft much travellin to amk central n my house, i finally get to meet sec sch frenz.. ah si..duckie..feng n tian.. all worried cz i givin birth v soon. scare i halfway wan to deliver how..haha.. esp feng, keep touchin my stomach, n even wanna put her ear on my stomach to hear..omg~! aft much discussion, we went to bubbletea shop for dinner.. tok some craps there too.. den ah si n duckie gt sth on n leave 1st.. e 3 of us go to amk hub for 2nd rd cz i mouth itchy, haha..

well nth much liao.. oni noe i walked alot n stomach pain.. juz asked jas n nick abt bb stuff.. hav to really stnadby now since i got e 'hints' last nite. hope these days she b out ba..

kk shall stop here to watch my movie.. take care folks~!
I WAS HERE @ 3:24 PM l 0Comment

Argh~! baby is not coming out yet again... but gd news is, she is 2.5kg now~! yeah.. so happy.. at least she is heavier n heavier.. lighten my worries.. owas afraid she is too small. of cz i hope she can hit at least 2.8kg~!

cont'd frm my previous blog ba.. aft i woke up so early tt day.. i went steamboat with yw n wt tt evening, haha.. tot wt gonna b q late but surprisingly she reach earlier den yw, haha.. we walked ard awhile and headed to the shop. well, i still prefer the shop i owas go, haha.. mayb e ingredients n soup r nicer ba. but nvm, i went there last week, so this week i go another, hehe.. tml i dun even noe if i goin out with miss lee anot. cz its a sunday...normally my sunday is either go hubby ah ma house, if not go out with hubby frenz. so i duno if tml got ani progs.. n i dun like to go to crowded places esp i m goin to giv birth anytime..somemore its a sunday and its evening time at town~! so i duno lo..hai.. its not i dun wan to meet them..its juz tt e time e venue is not gd for mi...

sian.. knowing bb coming out soon, i hope, n yet i hope i dun stuck at home..but wat can i do.. dun even noe wat programs to do to kill my time. realli in dilemma everyday... now my doc not in town.. i dun even noe if i would wish bb to come out earlier anot.. cz it wun be my doctor to help mi deliver le.. but nvm, i shall take it naturally.. cant force.. now prob is.. i duno wat to name her.. Averil.. is e one i wanted but i had problems pronouncing it. esp e 'ril' part.. yw n wt told mi i get it wrong..my tougue short.. omg.. how??? hai

lastly.. nowadays see hubby looked pressured but yet i cant do anithing.. i duno how to start a tok w him to share his prbs but i noe i hav to do it sometime. tts how ppl maintain marriage.. hav to pour out feelings n problems tgt and share and to solve tgt. i oso hav probs.. but i owas kept in my heart. i noe he oso do tt. nono.. sth hav to change. n i hope i can take e first step soon. i mean v soon.. hhaa.. wish mi all the best ba, hehe

kk shall stop here, nid to go shower again.. duno y i like to shower alot aft i get pregnant. and esp when i goin to giv birth... maybe cz i noe i cant shower for 1mnth after baby is out~! wahaha..

take care folks~!
I WAS HERE @ 10:57 PM l 0Comment

abt my previous blog.. its a song i hear on radio yesterday n find it nice. i heard it be4 but duno y this time like it more.. maybe its sendimental when i m tinking of something??

haha.. duno la.. woke up aft a nitemare this morning.. again i m running for my life.. n a monster whcih looks like a green dragon is chasing aft mi in my amk house. and again i climbed out of the window and this time i went to rescue my mum and 4th sis. but actually aft i rescue my mum, i havent go over to rescue my sis and i m up. since young i owas hav dreams abt ppl/monsters goin aft my life in my house n i owas climb out of my window. i duno wat it mean too.

nvm abt tt, it juz tt i been sometime nv had nitemare.haha.. well well.. tok abt yesterday ba.. i went back vivo to see them. some askin y i come back when i on leave.. i too bored lioa ma.. doc says bb not coming this week so i go out lo. well.. oni abit of changes to vivo.. staffs still e same. lucky tt most of e senior full timers are ard to toktok. only stayed for 2 hrs cz they getting busy with their evening booking. n i doubt i b goin back there again. maybe after baby is out ba. lazy to travel so far.. cz i dun like to take train now. juz a phobia..owas tinking i get seat anot.haaha.. but i do feel gd aft visiting them.

back to home is so bored. i still duno y i feel a distance with hubby again though he been toking to mi like usual last nite. m i too sensitive? hai.. i muz try to get over it. maybe tinkin abt wat he said, he dun wan this life animore. i oso start tinking, do i really want my life to stuck in his room. rotting n rotting? no meanin at all.. even bb is out my life is still empty.. duno wat activities can spice up my life. hai..suan le..

back to now..so sian..duno wat to do for e day.. rotting again.. surprised to see wt n yw online so early n its their off day~ haha.. but been discussin to meet anot for abt an hr liao? so hungry now.. tot can meet for breakfast, ahha..but yw wans dinner..duno to go anot.. damn..i m gettin more n more lazy now n yet i wan to go out. Y~!!

hai..lets see how ba.. hope i hav progs later~!
I WAS HERE @ 10:18 AM l 0Comment

歌曲：别说爱我
歌手：容祖儿 专辑：jump up 9492

我并没有
那翅膀
只有瘦瘦
的肩膀
他醉倒把泪擦干
关上门窗
天空那么高
我怎么构的到

你曾形容
的天堂
门牌却是
个问号
我闭上眼睡不着
也找不到
你知道快乐
对我有多重要

别说爱我
别再说你爱我
别说想我
因为耳朵是通往心底的
那些不会成真的
听了心痛

别说爱我
别再说你爱我
你没爱过
世上真话不够
梦境太多
如果你是善良的
你会放开手
让我经过

我并没有
离开过
却不停的
看你走
勉强握紧的永久
维持不了多久
我不要一个没灵魂的感动

别再说你爱我

别说想我
wo~
因为耳朵是通往心底的
那些不会成真的
听了心痛
I WAS HERE @ 9:38 AM l 0Comment

Ar.. got a shock in e morning.. tot my baby is coming.. in the end is false alarm...diao..

I tot my doc told mi this week my baby wun be out, den i was abit scare when i had stomach pain at 6am today. wa.. abit pain..still can tahan..but its like i lie down or sit up, the pain is there.. and it last for 30mins? n i couldnt slp til 730 cz still got abit pain.. den i woke up at 815 cz pain again.. but this time is shorter. so i start to remember the time it occured. so if i realli goin to deliver, i shd have another pain in 1hr 45mins time or even shorter. but i waited n waited till 11am.. nth.. den i knew its a false alarm. heng i nv sms my hubby to get prepared, ahaahaa..

ppl says all these pain depends on individuals, so mayb to mi i can tahan to others they cant. so i realli have no idea how it feel like if its real. n i very seldom have menses cramp, so i duno how it feel like when they said its very pain. jas told mi when giving birth n having contraction, it feels like u wan to shit but cant shit out. haha.. gd comparison but i will remember..

ar.. spent another day rotting.. tml i shall pay a visit to vivo as agree with colleen yesterday since doc says this week bb wun b out. duno how long i will stay too cz i dun wan to b caught in human traffic later..hehe..

had my dinner at teresa's place last nite. i duno if i m sensitive. i juz feel tt the distance bet mi n hubby is still there.. maybe i m distracted by his nick he put aft he threw temper at mi. saying he was irritated n hate it and dun wan this life anymore. i duno wat he mean by 'it' n i dun wish to ask him abt it. tts his tots when he was reali angry tt time. but whenever i tink of tt, somemore i dun feel gd. even we had dinner at teresa place, we do tok abt tv progs..but i duno if its for show. cz when we walked up to our place, he dun tok to mi again. when he home, he went for shower n straight away go to slp. i noe he was tired so he slpt early. but we like nv tok at all. hai.. its not e 1st time we r lidat since we r tgt, but its not often. most imprtly, the 1st time he lidat after we r married. somehow i wish he is the person hu tok to mi nicenice every night when he was on board tt time..which is this yr april-may. tt time juz repatched and he was away..but we 2 v close, go back to e times we chatted on phone everynite. share all probs.. like how he did tt when he court mi. tts is why i agreed to marry him tt time too. i remembered i did ask him to consider very seriously abt marriage and he said he was very sure of his decision. i hope he remembered tt in his heart. and i hope he could be nice to mi again.. soon. dun wan to hav e feelin of being a unwed mum now.

sian.. tink the mre i stay at home the more i will tink. so i hope bb faster come out. at least i hav lesser time to worry abt all these. n to see if he is up to the role of being a father. owas so pleased to c him playing happily with kids but duno will it be the same or better towards his own baby. afterall its becz i see tt he like baby which attracts mi when i just know him. perhaps he had forgotten ba, but i remembered he was playing with a baby at long john silver who sat opp him. he duno e boy but yet play happily with him. this is e time where e impression of him changes and started to accept him.

k la.. shall stopped here.. watched spiderman 3 and the solomon brothers today.. tml shall be outing day for mi.. i off pc liao.. shall go rest on bed again.. take care folks~!
I WAS HERE @ 5:23 PM l 0Comment

Juz back from checkup.. quite worried when i noe my bb oni 2.3kg.. n mi myself oni gain 1kg within this 2weeks. omg.. y bb still so light.. i got eat liao lo..but hai.. n more surprising is.. dr ang now den tell mi tt he expected bb to b out these days~! nv giv mi xin li zhun bei.. but now tell mi bb will come later.. not in this week. so i can an xin plan my progs for e next few days. gonna go for checkup this sat again.. n my doctor will b on leave. so sad hor.. doctor wan to on leave n so hard to do so. today waited 1hr for my turn though i went 30mins earlier for my appt. while waiting, heard e nurses helped to make appt for e rest.. wa..tink they v stress too.. dr ang nid to go on leave, all appt hav to squeeze. now dr ang father is sick so he got to reschedule his leave. so ma fan hor.. hai..

well, back to my results, doc ask mi if i hav contractions liao, n i did.. 1 or 2 days once. juz now got abit again. now den i noe if bb squeeze into e centre of my stomach is consider contraction too, haha. omg..den lidat hor, it mean i owas hav it lo...cz bb owas squeeze one area. Oops..make mi more nervous...

duno y aft i went for checkup, i feel much more better. been feeling down for e past 2days due to some issues. now juz hope everything goes smoothly. be it issues abt bb or my hubby. i try to stay calm n cool n happy ba.. rite now oso hav to eat more... dun wan my bb to b so light when she is born. now i m realli prepared my bag to bring hosp liao.. room oso packed 77 88 liao...haha..

k la, i shall go shower liao.. cz later goin teresa place for dinner. realli hav to thank them too.. cz these days i noe they hav been tokin to hubby abt our issues.. tink now, i left with meeting up with huisi xueli and vivo team. other den tt i tink i can rest well n prepare my new life..haha.. kk take care folks~
I WAS HERE @ 5:04 PM l 0Comment