Sunday, December 30, 2007

life sux

its been 2 weeks since my little one is born into this world but i m getting more and more tired each day. i thought confinement supposed to mean that the mother should have alot of rest while the rest do the job? my life is never been nice to me...
Having a wound on my stomach doesnt mean i don't need to get up in the middle of the night to attend to my baby. looking at the person sleeping so soundly beside me while i keep getting up and down for my baby really make me feel that why am i doing all these. i did slim down these weeks but why is it so? i guessed its because i havent been sleeping well since day 1 and yet the person who slept alot always complain he not enough sleep.
my temper is getting worst lately, health is not at the peak too. having some problem to pump milk as i always wanted to puke out when i do so. Checked with my sisters and frenz and none of them have the same situation before.
i really wanted to leave just like that but i know i could not. why am i trapped in this world in such a way. Why world is nv been fair to me, wat have i done to deserve such a lifestyle? being nice to others doesnt mean i deserve gd things. sometimes really tired until i duno i will fall aslp while trying to feed her and i drop her onto the floor anot. sometimes so fed up with the person beside me till i dont care when baby is crying and continue sleeping so that he can be waken up by the crying and handle the problem himself. this is wat i did last nite. i only slpt 3hrs the day be4 while he slpt 8-9 hrs. i only had my 4hrs slp jz now due to e solution i wrote just now becz he has been sleeping soundly for at least 5hrs. wat does weekend mean? it should mean that husband help his wife more when he has lots of time at home. but y mine is still playing the bloody fking warcraft all the time. otherwise meeting frens and wanting to go his grandma house?? am i and my baby transparent? i have been stuck at home to face the baby and loneliness. and his mum oso nv leave the house to help me out and yet the father is doing all this fking rubbish? wat r all my tears and advise i given him? he forgotten so fast again? sometimes i juz cried in e middle of the night while feeding baby. why i cant juz open the window and jump off? to let him handle everything himself.. to make him wake up when something is gone forever? even his close frenz asked mi to be independent becz he will nv learn and be thoughtful for others. to give my baby a complete family is a wrong choice? i should have chosen the path to be a single mum in the beginning? i cant imagine how life would become when i go back to workplace. even now, i have lots of time, i felt so tired, let alone when i go back to work.
why his parents dont know how to bring up kids well? my hubby lidat and dun mention tt bloody useless and fking brother. i juz diao him when i walk pass him. how i wanted to giv him a slap and kick him out of the house everytime he turn into a mad dog. a complete failure. serve him right tt ppl call him bull dog cz he did has a bulldog face.

ARGH~! i cant stand my life~! i need a long break.. i need a long sleep. i do not have suppprt from him when i in labour bcz he was there beside me but he as watching tv and sleeping while i screaming for help. i do not have support from him when baby cries and i m the one waking up in the middle of the night to feed her and attend to her.
i shd have stayed in fish n co to be a fulltimer and not join carls jr. if i did tt, all these will be diff. perhaps my life is better.
life sux... till now i still dun feel tt my baby come from me... cant imagine she is the one from my stomach. i m juz so tired... v v v tired of my life....

I WAS HERE @ 2:50 PM l 3Comment