NaMe : AmBeR
Loves : AvErLyN
Hates : BiTchEs, LiArs, BeTraYaL
Fears : CoCkroAchEs
Weakness : Soft-hearted = FOOLISHNESS

:: get a car by 28 ::
:: get a car license by 26 ::
:: get a house by 26 ::
:: to weigh 45kg ::
:: to go swimming twice per month ::
:: get osim product for my parents ::
:: go for yoga lessons ::
:: go for holiday trips ::
:: to bake my first cake ::
:: go drinking once per month ::
:: to buy psp ::
:: start saving money ::
:: get promotion ::
:: to b blessed in my life ::

:: Agu ::
:: Christina ::
:: Esther ::
:: Geswin ::
:: Gracina ::
:: Hsien Yung ::
:: Hui Si ::
:: Jun Wei ::
:: Li Ting ::
:: Liwen ::
:: Wayne ::
:: Wei Ting ::
:: Yan Qi ::
:: Yan Wan ::
:: Yong Xing ::
:: Yuki ::

Melissa's Design

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September 2009

finally able to bring bb into my room n she is slpin well now on my bed. its been 2weeks since she slp on my bed cz hubby dio chicken pox. she had a hard time to adapt to e study room n slping in e yao lan n now she canot get used to our room.. sian..

scientific term is colic, pandang term is 'dirty tings'. duno y ever since she slp study room, she couldnt slp well. had a tough hard putting her to slp for several nights n mil helpin mi. even now she oso lidat. duno y.. n it makes mi v paiseh to hav mil to take care of her e whole nite, causin her not enuf rest while she ask mi to go back room n slp. i tried my best to comfort bb yet i failed, sian..but this time i nv throw temper hor...

cz tt fri aft my hubby dio ckn pox n i havin high fever, i m reali very tired of taking care of bb. i supposed to go irene house for bbq, sth tt i looked forward to as i havent go out to meet frenz aft 1 month. den yet, he got e pox n i had fever. worst is, i hav to take care of bb despite my fever. felt so giddy n sick when i get up n down to attend to her. finally i began to breakdown. tt nite, mil they all juz step out e house, she cried, cry n cry non stop. feed her liao oso cry. i hav to iron clothes, wanna c tv, hungry yet she dun giv mi a min of peace. hubby cant help as he had e pox, n i realli blow my temper. i beat her i yao her hard hard to make her quiet yet i fail. i noe i m rough but i m realli out of my wit. in e end i burst into tears aft 3+hrs n went to hubby. he den call his mom to come home faster. n they let mi rest for e nite.

i had more rest yet i still not feelin welll physically n mentally. sat nite, i was 39.8deg liao yet i m taking care of her. realli v sian of my life at tt pt of time yet i nv tell anione abt my fever. i even wrote my yi yan in my sms, so tt aniting happen to mi e next morn, at least i had my last words. but aft i sweat it out, i felt better. but next morn i kp dazing ard. mind blank blank duno wat to do. when everyone went out i breakdown in study room. in e end i tell hubby i wanna go home find my mum. he allow mi. so i went back to complaint everything to my mum. tink my 1st time crying in front of her to tell her my probs. i dun wan to let her worry for mi but i realli cant stand it. happened tt 4th sis called home so i complain to her too. next day 3rd sis call to see how m i. this is wat i meant by family warmth. sth i nv felt in here. i felt much better aft e visit n nv throw temper at bb animore, instead i sayang her more.. it realli makes a diff...

i had a tok w hubby 2days ago, tellin mi wat i hav done rite n wrong. disagreed w some of e points. n most imprtly, all e comments is by him n not his mum lo. make mi misundestood her. duno y ppl say tings w/o telling us hu r e ones saying it. his sis oso, sometimes she too blunt till she hurts mi. n i duno she tellin mi how she tink or mil ask her to tell mi. tue mi n hubby went out cut hair n buy his clothes. oni went out 2hrs, sis call to ask us faster eat n come home. say bb kp crying. make mi gan chiong. aft tt meet his cousin for dinner. 6+pm, his sis called again, rushin us back. in my heart, i tinkin worrying wat went wrong, y she kp rushing mi. i wanna go bk but hubby say nvm. but icant shop in peace. tt time she oso say mi y i owas go out. she is young so i nv scold her. i owas go out? is goin to causeway pt consider goin out? i go out to buy food n cny clohtes lo... furthest i went is my amk house n tt orchard shopping, n no more.. i nv scold her y out of 7 days they owas went out at nite for abt 4-5days. hu r e ones hu owas go out? suan le, she is young...

it juz pressure mi at times. dao di his mum ok tt i go out or she not happi. can i go out anot. when can i finally meet frenz to go out? i hav no freedom now. so wat shd i do? told hubby i wanna try bring bb out to causeway to tryout, he said sure fail cz bb sure cry. den how? i go out alone later kena call back home, go out w bb scare she cry, den in e end i m stuck at home.

i still hav many to say... i waited so long tt i can use my pc in e room n bb slpin well. miss all these times... wondering how i gonna handle my life when i return to work. hubby oso noe its unfair to mi for taking care of bb. even say y not i go work n he take care of bb. in my heart i wanted to say tt i rather tt way. at least i go home straight n seldom go out aft work. but suan le, i decide not to say it out, even ask him y still contact tt bitch. i nv trust tt bitch. now we r married n got bb, y still contact my hubby, be it hu contact hu 1st. told mi nv see him again, in e end, still see.. now aft 1+yr still contact. hubby oso noe i hate her to core but y still contact her. told him straight tt i dun like it. but i doubt he will listen n stay away frm her. so i purposely tell him tt i still miss my ex, which is e truth. since he can contact someone i hate, y for i care for his feelings when i tok abt my ex. mayb he feel nth at all. so sian of this life... y even my bb oso dun listen to mi n b gd. siansian sian.... wat hav i done so wrong in my previous life to make my life miserable now? so wat i trying to b gd.. i nv kill a mosquito for more den 10yrs (not kiddin), see ants drowning in water tt i accidentally spill on, i faster take tissue to save them. i nv kill insects on purpose n if i can save i save them. but wat for? save them doesnt make my life good... i hate my life now~!!! no freedom~!!
I WAS HERE @ 12:29 PM l 0Comment

sian sian sian.. by rite i shd b attending irene bbq at her place.. but i had fever e nite be4, 38.4 deg.. lucky tt jen bought mi e thermometer to monitor, hahaa.. e previous nite my hubby kena fever too, den i tot by last nite he would feel better n help to take care of bb since its my turn to b sick. but guess wat? cz fil scare he kena dengue so we went to doc.. and he was down e ckn pox!!! 2nd time for him. omg... meanin 2weeks he cant carry bb n i got to b alone... damn... but nvm, no diff w or wo his help.

we was toking abt my stress lvl be4 we went for doc. he kp askin mi to c doc so tt he noe if i can take care of bb anot. den was tellin mi y i get so agitated easily now. again, all nonsense/dao li he gav mi, i juz kp telli him, put urself in my shoes n u noe y, but i tink he couldnt get wat i m trying to say.... forget it. i ws too sick to ans him since he still dun understnad. cz i m super hot n v giddy, walkin ard make mi feel tt i m fainting anitime too.

i duno y my feelings for him like fading... when i noe he got ckn pox, my 1st tot is not 'omg, how? is he ok', instead i was like 'damn...i got to take care bb again' in fact i m v sian of my lifestyle.. i mean lifestyle, not life.
confinement = rest more, other things other ppl do. mine? nv rest enuf, got wound yet at nite climb up n down to feed/pat bb. i duno y but i owas feel paiseh to let my mil take car of bb. mayb cz she got too many things to do/wori n yet hav to help mi. so if i can, i do things myself. thus i m so tired all e time.

i no time to online so long cz bb owas cry when i wanna do my things. so i owas sms my fren. my fren oso say, if my life is a drama, sure alot of auntie cry... true.. i nv write everything out in my blog cz i like to hide things inside, thus my fren owas scare i go mad 1 day. i saw sth juz now, abit down to c it but now i m ok..cz my heart is half dead... or shd i say, half dead long ago when i in hosp to deliver bb. i still look/behave/live like a single mum. who noes? i can b one sooner or later... haha, i hav no prob to b on my own...cz for my life, i m aldy forced to face many diff things to b independent.
I WAS HERE @ 10:28 PM l 0Comment

finally my confinement is comin to an end.. its tiring but i wanna take chilli n cold drinks badly~! when weather is hot i still oni can take my longan tea n hot milo lo... though at times i heck care n drink water but i still wan cold drinks~! no chilli for 1 mth is torturing as well~!! argh..

even if my confinement is over, i doubt i be goin out often cz i still cant handle bb well on my own. at times still nid mil help to calm her down. duno y everyone carry she cry but mil carry she stops. funny is.. mil nv carry her all the time. maybe she expert n noe how to carry bb well till bb feel secure w her ba. i still clumpsy at times esp my left hand n wrist hurts everytime i feed her n burp her.

but gd news is.. bb finally can slp longer in my room~! there r nights tt she cry non stop n my mil hav to take care of her from 2am onwards instead of e usual 6-7am. den she slp livin room w bb, cz bb likes living room alot for no reasons. make mi so guilty when i go back room to slp. den past 2 nights i kp changin her slpin place, den now found e better place tt she prefers..but its in between mi n hubby... so we 2 cant slpt tgt cz she in e middle of us. even blanket have to split. cz i slpin under aircon straight, while hubby slp on floor. hai..

i tink i make many ppl worried abt my previous blog. well, i juz wanna fa xie myself, thus wrote several bad comments. dun wori guys.. i m still living fine, haaha.. i do complain alot on hubby. but duno y he gettin better now. though he nv change bb clothes n diapers now, seldom feed bb now, BUt he helps to carry her n pat her when she make noise. when he at home, he owas ask mi rest den he carry her. cz he noe at nite i got to b up for bb.

when i still wondering wat to get for him for his bday this coming fri, last nite he hug mi n said bb is the best bday present frm mi liao. kinda touched n glad he appreciated tt. but still feel i wanna get him sth. its either i get fren to buy n send to my place, otherwise i buy aft my confinement cz oni 5days diff. hai..duno la..hahaa

last ting to mention.. i havin more n more stretch marks~! omg.. its terrible.. at 1st i duno y so itchy all over. i tot i nv eat enuf ginger den my hot heat canot come out but now i seeing more n more markings formin frm the spots i scratch. argh.. kinda depressin to see these ugly markings. my butts r 'ruin' cz of all these. cz when i pregnant, i duno y i hav itchness till my butt got many scars liao, den now markings.. but nvm, no one supposed to c my butt except my hubby but i cant stand the scars~! now my tummy, thighs all hav markings..how to wear shorts next time.. dun even noe i dare to go swimming anot...argh....
oni gd thing abt e markings is tt i noe i m slimmin down. though i nv do ani exercise at home. oni tt i nv eat much n owas carry bb. haha...

k la..wrote long enuf. cz feel tt if i dun update my blog, scare more ppl tot i gonna do stupid things. dun wori k... i m ok now.. owas tryin to tink positive. thx for all e concern~!

take care folks~! i shall look forward for my bb full mnth celebration this coming sat but still got many havent reply mi e ans~~! argh~!!
I WAS HERE @ 2:50 PM l 1Comment