NaMe : AmBeR
Loves : AvErLyN
Hates : BiTchEs, LiArs, BeTraYaL
Fears : CoCkroAchEs
Weakness : Soft-hearted = FOOLISHNESS

:: get a car by 28 ::
:: get a car license by 26 ::
:: get a house by 26 ::
:: to weigh 45kg ::
:: to go swimming twice per month ::
:: get osim product for my parents ::
:: go for yoga lessons ::
:: go for holiday trips ::
:: to bake my first cake ::
:: go drinking once per month ::
:: to buy psp ::
:: start saving money ::
:: get promotion ::
:: to b blessed in my life ::

:: Agu ::
:: Christina ::
:: Esther ::
:: Geswin ::
:: Gracina ::
:: Hsien Yung ::
:: Hui Si ::
:: Jun Wei ::
:: Li Ting ::
:: Liwen ::
:: Wayne ::
:: Wei Ting ::
:: Yan Qi ::
:: Yan Wan ::
:: Yong Xing ::
:: Yuki ::

Melissa's Design

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omg..tml is e day to start work o... excited? unhappy? worried?
hmm...
hmmm...
hmmmm...
i m feeling....sian..wahaha.. y? cz all my previous working pants cant fit in now~!!! omg~! lucky all my skirts n dresses still ok..but den.. w/o pants, many of my tops cant match with my skirts.
sian man.. ytd went imm with sil, tot can fix my hp den go for trade in, but den its not at imm..its afew buildings away..sian.. duno when i can fix it..
went there to shop abit too, bought 1 top 1 bottom 1 pair of shoes 2 cardigan. haha.. all no big brands so cheap cheap..hehe.. now got bb, wanna buy ex things oso hav to think twice.

ok, enuf of work liao..hope everything goes well at work too.

oops..i went to feed bb n shower bb till i let pc on for 2hrs, haha..
tink i next time den contd to write abt bb. now watching er zuo ju zi wen part 2..omg.. feel like crying epi 11, but still can hold on, wahaha.. nicenice..aiya, bb cry..byebye
I WAS HERE @ 4:44 PM l 0Comment

Make a scrapbook - it's easy!

some pics to view... some tots to write but too slpy to write now...cz i gonna b transferred to bishan~!! omg.. i will miss vivo.. i been there for 1 yr....hai..
I WAS HERE @ 3:04 PM l 0Comment

i shall make it a quick n short one cz my bb gonna cry soon cz she is turning here n there on her bed now, haha.. cz saw q a few comments so i tink i better write sth ba.

well guys, i went drink tt nite too, i mean fri nite. q bored there cz all toking canto but i can understand abit. appreciate they come too cz they come becz to acc mi. so we toktoktok. someting happened aft hubby joined mi but i shall not say it. it juz sth tt i tot tts it, he will ignore mi again for sth duno. cz aft we went back he nv tok to mi. juz as i tot everything is gonna b bad as usual, we tok like normal again aft goin to get hp tgt cz he nid to change hp n mine juz 'nice' e day be4 start to giv mi prob so i gonna change too.

we tok as usual when we walked to e shop, as if we r back to normal. he ask mi to get same model hp w him though i hesitate cz i dun use touch screen hp, but i jz get it lo since he kp asking. den even we walked back n thru out e whole nite, we realli back to normal till now, e very moment i m writing e blog.

actually i owas been complaining abt him. but when i tink to it, he did change better for e baby aldy. juz tt its not much n fast enuf. n for e guy i noe him frm day 1 till now, he did become more matured in his way. juz tt if u compare to others, u will feel he is e worst. he cared for bb but not much. but its better den nv care at all. i m talkin abt all these is not cz he treat mi normal now but tts wat i been tinking when i go to drink tt nite.

though every1 signing for mi, i tink alot when i drinking all those alcohol. n all these tots came to mi. i duno y my reaction is so fast n firm when my fren bf ask mi permission to giv him a slap. i said no firmly. i been talking abt his bad things n feelin heart broken n yet i so protective of him when things happened.

maybe i hold too much hope in him tt result in my thinking.
maybe i expect him to change alot to my ideal him in a short period.
maybe i been grumbling too much n never look at e small details/changes he made.

to him, he aldy changed. frm a flirt guy i noe frm day 1 to a family guy now. oni 3yrs. n he been goin ard to hav fun since sec sch. it been over 10yrs. how could i expect him to change to a 100% family guy in 3yrs. i tink i oni can wait for time to pass. slowly he will b better each day. like tt time we quarrel badly, i did see he improve abit. juz giv him time ba. while i juz lead my usual lifestyle now. though i grumble alot, i tink i hav to learn to b calm n be my 'single mum'. juz pray tt my bb noe how i been thru n appreciate mi when she is old.

like my 4th sis said. grumble so much for wat. u chosen e guy urself so u b responsible for ur life. i seems to make e wrong choice but too bad, i choose it i take it. q sad to see myself lidat now but i hav to learn to b contented. i gonna go back to work v soon. hope n tink i will b better once i m back. cz i can b w my frenz liao. juz tt i will b v blur w e work haha..

kk i shall stop here.. so hapi tt she havent wake up yet. if not i oso cant write tt long. thx everyone hu made comments. i noe u all cared n worried for mi, but i m ok. to him, yes he is not a 100% husband n father but i hav to b contented for e little changed he made esp with his type of character. now i m thinking abt e fortune teller said abt mi. cz his parents went to temple to get e prediction for e family. mine actually not tt gd. a couple of things hav to b extra careful, which there is one tt i duno i can do it anot. i cant say out wats abt it cz it confidential but i hope i can bear w it thru out e yr of rat ba.

take care folks! cant wait to meet xl n hs on thur for shoppin n meetin up~! byebye
I WAS HERE @ 11:42 AM l 0Comment

蔡依林 - 柠檬草的味道

他们猜我们后来有没有再见　
离席了才会晓得怀念
突然我记起你的脸　那触动依然像昨天　
对自己　我终于也诚实了一点 是不是回忆就是淡淡柠檬草　
对自己　我终于也诚实了一点 是不是回忆就是淡淡柠檬草　
心酸里又有芳香的味道
曾以为你是全世界　但那天已经好遥远　
绕一圈　我才发现我有更远地平线 我们都没错　只是不适合　
绕一圈　我才发现我有更远地平线 我们都没错　只是不适合　
我要的　我现在才懂得
快乐是我的　不是你给的　
寂寞要自己负责 毕竟用尽了力气也未必如愿　
寂寞要自己负责 毕竟用尽了力气也未必如愿　
总是要过去以后才了解
突然我记起你的脸　爱不爱不过一念之间　
绕一圈　今天的我能和昨天面对面 我们都没错　只是不适合　
绕一圈　今天的我能和昨天面对面 我们都没错　只是不适合　
亲爱的　我当时不懂得
选择是我的　不是你给的　
明天自己负责 给昨天的我一个拥抱　
明天自己负责 给昨天的我一个拥抱　
曾经她不知如何是好
若我们再见我会微笑　
谢谢你　谢谢你　
我尝过　爱的好 我们都没错　只是不适合　
我尝过　爱的好 我们都没错　只是不适合　
我要的　我现在才懂得
快乐是我的　不是你给的　
寂寞要自己负责 我要的　我现在才懂得
寂寞要自己负责 我要的　我现在才懂得
选择是我的　不是你给的　
幸福要自己负责
错过的　请你把握
I WAS HERE @ 3:53 PM l 0Comment

听着张学友的'我真的受伤了', 有几句词写出我的心声..
人真的会变, 自己变了都不晓得.
你越是要一个人为你改变, 但他偏偏不会.
等着等着, 等到心都累了, 碎了.

难道周杰伦的'借口'真的是我们的主题曲吗?
每一句都写得好真实.
我好久没听这首歌, 以及蔡依林的'柠檬草的味道'.
没听是好事, 听是因为我的心又碎了.
这次会好吗? 我不敢去想.
想太多只会伤得更深.
我的心已碎得太多块.

经过了这么多的挫折, 换来一句'原来我根本不了解你'
为了你, 我放弃了不少, 但是我又得到了什么?
要你认错或说声对不起, 你却说我要翻旧帐.
当我最需要你的时候, 你却不采我,
那当初你就不要说你决定与我分享苦与乐,
说什么你会带给我幸福,
因为你现在带给我很多痛苦.

因为你, 我对婚姻失去了信心.
因为你, 我活得好不愉快.
因为你, 我相似得了忧郁症.
然而, 你却说我傻.

怎么办? 我真的开始对你没感情.
我的心已麻醉了,碎了, 死了.
我给你好几次机会, 但是你却不珍惜,
反而弄巧反拙.

离开你, 会好一点吗?
离开你, 你会知错吗?
离开你, 你会后悔吗?
认识你自今, 你永远不懂得学会珍惜我.
你只会怀念别人, 后悔当初应该选择她们.
我也后悔了, 但是我一直都努力往前看.

爱是什么?
爱情真的会带给人幸福吗?
还是带给人伤心的回忆?
对我而言, 爱情是伤人的.
有谁会让我对爱情恢复信心呢?
I WAS HERE @ 3:51 PM l 0Comment

guess i dun nid to say, u all shd b able to guess how i feel.
since morning till 12am(15/2), i been hoping i hav sth from him. when he leave e room, i keep checking my drawer for surprise. but there is NOTHING. nothing at all. its e 3rd vday we had tgt but yet i nv receive anithing from him but disappointment. he knew i like vday esp e quarrel we had last vday. it ended up i goin to cinema watching 'happy birthday' alone and cried there.

this yr, i got him a wallet n gave him in advance, hoping he get my hint. but suan le. it shall be e 1st n last vday gift for him aft married. i realli duno how to fix up all e broken pieces of my heart now. too many pieces and no one helping me but oni keep smashing it to smaller pieces. all e unhappiness i felt in e house i everything keep in my heart. if i say out i get scolded if i dun, at least oni mi myself go crazy. no one in this fking house cares abt mi. all oni put up a show when all at home. when i m alone, no ones bother mi even i m trying all my best to comfort my bb from crying. someone oni noe how to sit down n glue his butt on e chair n play WOW when i m carrying bb in front of him. bb cry like no tml oso nv bother to take a look. oni when his parents is home den his dad carry for mi den he go out to 'show concern'. i dun nid such a husband nor my bb nid such a father.

ARGH~!!! i realli cant stnad my lifestyle now. i dun wan to face him. i dun wan to keep my unhappiness inside when i see him. if i tok it out we gonna quarrel again. i scare i split out e D word. a word tt i dun wan to say esp i get married cz i wanted to giv bb a complete family. i wan to move out of here.. a few days oso song. no one appreciate my presence here aniway. i oni can play n tok w my bb when she is awake n not crying. other den tt, my face is black, null. i hate it~!!!

miracle wher r u.... i going crazy soon~!!!!!!!!! i hate him~!
I WAS HERE @ 1:36 PM l 0Comment

wow, back to blogging... i was browsing some new blogskin but no mood to search for it.
i owas get moody when vday is drawing near. cz i noe its another day tt i will b sad. my last vday celebration is 2004. n its by my ex. e day tt i felt i m e most luckiest gal in e world. nv even feel tt day on my wedding. oops...

i was chatting with miss sun abt our ex. my god.. hate to tok abt tt topic but i owas cant stop recalling and talkin abt it. i shall not talk abt it animore. hv to look forward.
i was too bored last nite while waiting for bb to b up for milk. wait till i go to youtube to watch mtv.. esp e A mei song tt i posted days ago. even now i oso watched it. n now watching Lee Sheng Jie's Zui Jin. for hubby, it seems for every gal he had, he had a song suitable for them. for mi, he said its this song, tts wat he said be4 marriage. for tt woman its shan hu hai. oni some ppl noe abt it. so guys, if we go ktv, pls try not to choose tt song can? it juz hook bad memories to mi again. till now i tink no one understnad how i felt abt their affair. esp him. suan le.. skip topic ba..

i was editing friendster profile. wrote some lines tt its a little bit chim. but its truth.
i dun believe in promises and vows animore. look at wat was made last jul n now, all are forgotten. who says tt he made up his mind to b w mi n stay by mi n dun care wat others say. n who is e one hu said he dun understand mi at all 2weeks ago. y m i owas complaining abt my life now? all tink its hubby fault but in fact its mine. cz its mi myself hu choose to b with him. his character is all along like this be4 he met mi. compared to last time, he is slightly better now. even his sister can tell mi he brought abt 20gals home to stay liao.. oni tt i stayed e longest ma. cz i m e most stupid among all. many chnaces to leave him but yet i stayed. stayed w a guy who has so many flaws.

dun tok abt him. it juz make mi miserable. though he kiss mi on my forehead last nite but i dun feel love. i duno if i lost hopes/love in him. i m so lazy to argue w him for things i disagree. i juz keep quiet. cz if i make noise we sure quarrel.

nvm.. tonite is another outing. boss is back from somewhere n we all goin over for dinner. haha.. e last similar outing is when my bb is still in my stomach. wahaha.. its gonna b fun i hope. tts y i dun even care if i coughin n runnin nose now. haha.. elynn bring her bb over, so i can play w him, ahha.. not bringin mine since she still not stable.

kk shall stop here to get ready to go out liao
take care folks~!
I WAS HERE @ 2:45 PM l 0Comment

back again.. actually yesterday i was writing half but hubby was back so i juz shut it down.. so i shall re write again.. haha..

hm.. ok, we went tm relative houes. go there ppl was askin y we so late, but lucky tt he admit its cz he was playing game. then later bb starts crying again, duno y she go places other her own house, she cry non stop n refuse to slp. n everytime she cry outside, n when i carry her, she cries, but when fil or hubby or even mil carry, she quiet. it wil make everyone tink tt i seldom carry bb at home, tts y she refuse to calm down when i carry her. but truth is.. i carried n take care of her more den anione in e house.. suan le..sian... den soon i rush over to colleen place cz its aldy 645 when i told her i can b there at 6.

when i was there, fion, step n william juz reach too. so we faster prepare all e food for steamboat. den fion say aft dinner go down to st james. i duno can anot, cz dun dare to ask mil, bt in e end i heck care n call. sil pick up e call den she said mil says i go back anitime oso can. sometimes i reali duno she meant it honestly anot or she juz say things to spite mi. but forget it, i oso dun care so i go out w them lo. since tt time hubby quarrel w mi n said they will take care of bb, den i take it lo.. he said he had tok to his mum liao ma...so i go enjoy lo..

we left her place at 12+..reach st james abt 1245, n wa~ so many ppl, i feel so weird cz almost a yr nv go clubbing. but nvm, we went upstairs n as they owas go there, e ppl noes them, so we get ourselves a table in 15mins time. opened up e balance they drank last time, n they starts to drink. all scare i cant take it cz so long nv drink but i m ok la, cny aldy start drinking wines n beers at ppl house. at home oso drink yang ming jiu, haha... drink till 3+am den we left. while i went over to clark quay to join hubby at rumors. went there be4 but its e previous shop name. v bored w the old songs n dance. slack till 5am n say gonna hav breakfast tgt. wa..i aldy q slpy but nvm, juz go lo..in e end we reach home at 7am..omg..

slpt till 9am n bb cry, so i m up to take cre of her. cz mil took care of her e entire day so i shd let her rest liao.. n i bring bb back to amk house at 1pm n stayed till 9pm. she cry non stop again n refuse to slp. my mum see mi take care of her lidat oso noe i m v tired. n let alone i oni slp 2hrs hor... siansian sian...but nice thing is, my cousins came to my houes last min too. wow.. so long nv see them n i m close to them when i was young. so nice to see them.. n everyone has kids liao... haha.. imagine 12kids n babies in 1 house. chaos~!!!

back home n bb still dun wan to slp. hubby mumble tt he duno y bb dun wan to slp esp today. in my heart i was tinkin, wat was he trying to say? trying to say y today i bring her back n she lidat?? well, i nv reply him anithing cz i aldy q fed up abt something he said abt my mum. cz tt time when we quarrel, he said my mum went to tok bad things abt them to my mum sis, who is e ah ma of e kid tt my mil take care of. sayin y dun put e kid to child care so mil can take care of my bb oni. i told him tt my mum wun said such thing liao. n yst when my mum wa arguin y i feed bb 4+hrs once, i fed up n tell her off not to say things to other ppl liao. i noe she is angry when i said tt but i reali vexed when 2 grps of ppl telli mi to do things differently. mil said feed on demand n drag as long as possible, drink 150ml = at least 4.5hrs den can drink. my mum is once bb cry, let her drink, esp 3hrs drink once n cant go longer den tt. if i follow mt mum, i get questioned by mil again. so i beg everyone ther not to force mi liao, cz i cant ans to my mil if i feed her earlier.

later my mum tells mi tt, abt e child care thing, she nv say anithing abt mi n bb to other ppl, inculding her sis. its her sis hu told her e same thing herself. so e whole thing actually is my aunite says one, n but my mum. i nv explain to hubby for tt. cz i noe he wun b bother. he all along dun like my famiy, so wats e pt of explaining. i juz feel bad tt i malign my mum. next time i shall trust myself n not thigns he or other ppl says. i noe my family better den others, shant let them malign them ever again.

ok, wrote long liao.. tml got gathering again~! yeah..n not goin to clubbin la, haha.. my ex boss is back to town so we goin over her place to eat. n sian lo, everytime i got such boss gathering, i m sick. now i m down w slight coughin n running nose. but heck care, i shall go out tml. no one to stop mi. i rem every single word tt hubby said tt time so i shall folllow it. i shall enojy myself.

k la, i go shower now, later got to bring sil to causeway pt liao..take care folks~!
I WAS HERE @ 5:24 PM l 0Comment

wow... its e longest outing i went aft birth. from 7pm to 7am. cant help to worry abt bb at times but nvm, mil will take care n i brought bb to amk whole day so she can enjoy herself lo.

at 1st i tot hubby n i will reach his tm relative house at 3+ den i shall stay till 4+ den go n meet colleen to bring food. who noes tt he is playin WOW from 12pm till 445pm.. i was there waiting for him for 2hrs, wait till i duno y i cry. maybe tinkin i aldy late to meet them den i cant say i dun wan to go his relative house cz this is e 1st yr i go as his wife. was cryin secretly in kitchen den faster 'dry' myself when i noe he is ready to leave. i guess he noe i not hapi n even noe i cried, cz his face oso black black n ask mi not to go his relative place. but i insist i hav to go as a form of respect.

i duno y i can cry easily now, even on e cab there my eyes r teary which i close it to 'rest' to prevent it from droppin. i opened to see scenery outside den happened to see hubby lookin at mi. but e expression is not those worried n heartpain(he nv feel tt way) . but was those 'wat is it again tt u wanna cry'. when i asked him y he look at mi, he said nth. hai.. more sian....

arg....bb crying... to b cont again....
I WAS HERE @ 4:59 PM l 0Comment

first of all, hapi cny to all of u~!
i might sound hapi with my 1st line but in fact i m not.

well, i was saying i hope i can hav a tok w him. yes i did as i asked him. but things ended up in a way tt i dun wan. dun wanna say in details as he keep sayin i spread news ard to everyone on how his family mistreating mi n how i lose my freedom. which all r not true. so i shall learn to keep things within mi, lets see when i will go crazy again. its not as if i go ard telling every single one. i oni tell in details to a FEW of my closer frenz, n its reali a FEW. tink abt 3 oni.

well well.. e quarrel lasted a while. how bad it is? i tink we almost say e letter D word i guess. we juz couldnt seem to understand wat we r tryin to tell each other. eg. i wan him to share task of taking care of bb tgt, but he take it as i dun nid to do anithing now as he take care of bb himself. askin him not to contact tt particular woman, he take it as i m controllin his freedom to make frenz.

ok, we hav fault. its my fault to sound so harsh in e sms. guess i m too angry liao. n its his fault to take things in diff way. reali wanted to move back my house tt nite bt he dun allow cz if i go, more prob will come. so i tahan. n let us calm down. i noe his pattern, so i wun contact or tok to him at all for tt few days. while mi? i oso nv tok to him, no smile.. juz take care of bb.

i was so depress tt i went to meet yw n go vivo to find miss lee they all. everyone askin mi, do i miss my bb? i said no cz i reali dun miss her. maybe she is e root of all probs but i noe she is innocent. but i juz too vexed to miss her. went tangs to get him a wallet. actually i wanted to get him 1 for his bday but tt time i doin confinement so i couldnt go out, so i send him a mms w mi n bb pic to him while he is having fun at e pub. i tot i could find e one he said he like when i went shopping w him a week ago. but in e end, all thz to yw, i found another design tt i like. OOps! i like..haha.. no la, i tink its suitable for him, esp w e clip to put his notes. though it cost 50bucks more den e one he like but nvm, its belated bday gift + v day gift.

mayb u guys tinkin, y we quarrel yet i buy him present? i feel tt its 2 diff issues, all along i wanted to get him sth. its oni tt along e path we quarrel but its still e 1st vday we will go thru as hubby n wife. though he nv get mi anithing for vday for e past 2yrs, wat can i do? tts him. i m jz someone hu he is used of having in his lifestyle n not those he super love at a sight n wanted to giv e person everything she likes or he tink its suitable for her.
since i marry him, i shd accept him, nv expect to change him. if i ever get sth frm him on vday, i shall take it as a surprise. but i shall not pin high hope, in fact i nv expect anithin.

went some places for cny day 1 today. go ah ma house, den go pray pray den my place. hubby family has a traditional, which is to eat zai on every cny day 1. its new to mi, though his parents told mi its ok to eat half day but since i m married to him, i shall follow them. though i reali wanted to eat steamboat at my place cz i love it alot. went my place, mum noes i cant eat steamboat, so my parents specially cook 2 simple veg dishes for us. so touched to see them doin these for mi. for how i made them angry n sad over preparing my wedding, they still treat mi so gd.. make mi love them more n hope i can do more things for them.

ok, aft tt, i went back his ah ma place. they like to stay there v long n many days. they r used to this lifestyle since young so i no prob w it though i m super quiet n bored there. 2 little gals(his niece n his sis) drag mi down to go downstairs walk walk cz they v bored at home. sil (sis in law) said she wanna go 7-11 since e shop downstairs r close. so we walked lo. den she said sth tt make mi sad again. she said she oso duno there hav 7-11 till e woman bring them there on cny day 1 2yrs ago. abit piss n unwilling to go esp i noe its gonna do w her. but suan le.. e kids wanna go buy food, so i go lo. they were tellin mi wat happened on tt day too. e woman brought them down to buy food is to ask them to tell her e truth. cz everyone she greeted at his ah ma house ignored her. tts y she noe abt mi. ah rou said she dun like her from e 1st sight. so goes e rest. but well.. they r kids.. if dun like, den y can smile when taking pic w her? suan le.

damn.. her face is appearing in my mind again. y she disturb my life so much. i watched part of e cny show last nite, they were tokin abt e prediction for this yr. saw hubby's, which is monkey. worst, it says old love will rekindle( hope i dun spell wrong) married couples hav to take note. omg.. wat a prediction. tt time went loyang temple to pray, oso wrote a prediction on his monkey will happened. nvm, i shall shun qi zi ran.

lastly, tt time i went vivo, i watched e movie 27dresses. tokin abt a woman, jane, hu owas b other ppl bride maid, n owas wanted to get married but yet couldnt find e guy of her dream. she secretle love her boss, george, n when she decided to express her love to him, he fall in love w her sis, jess, at 1st sight. den all along there was a reporter, kelvin, hu keep contacting her as he find jane interesting. y? cz he lost hope in wedding but she pin high hopes in weddin. so things happened q interesting as it show how kelvin n jane fall in love w each other wo realising it. but in e end they get tgt la. i dun wan to say e movie in detail cz i wrote v long liao. to summarize it, a simple movie which make mi wanna cry in cinema. y? cz tt day i went out cz i m depress. seeing e movie tokin abt how ppl preparing their weddin n how they made their vows remind mi of my weddin. vows tt kept mi wondering if it last...

ok, time to stop here.. hungry.. no appeitite but mouth itchy. whole day eat zai n now i shall go cook noodles. hope he like e wallet n use it. if he dun, den suan le. we did tok more n more each day bt we dun seems v hapi w each other. so see hw ba.. since i aldy dun pin high hopes..

take care folks~! n i will take care too~!
I WAS HERE @ 11:44 PM l 0Comment

paiseh, rush to feed baby juz now tt i juz end my blog 1st. where was i? ok..heehee

den in sms i oso tell him tt i scare bb duno hu is her dad since her dad owas not ard w her. askin him if he remember wat he had said to me when i qn him if he is serious to marry mi. cz he said he will bring mi happiness, share joys n woes w mi till old. but i tink he forget liao.

i might sound bad in sms but i tink i cant stand it. cz i tinking y he can go out aft work. weekend is e time he can spend more time w bb yet he still use e time to go out till late, else he is playing WOW from day to nite. den at nite complain to mi tt he is tired n wans to slp early. if u r workin hard at work den tell mi u r tired, i dun mind. but if u r tired cz u go n play games or go out, haha..so sorry, i will feel v piss off. dun ever say tired in front of mi if its not work related or not due to helping out w bb. cz in term w tired, i guess i m more tired den you. our bb cant slp well, i got to b on standby 24/7. u cant expect mi to slp in e noon cz ur bro n e small kid is so noisy. den wat do ppl tink if someone owas slp in e noon? how would they noe tt i nv slp at nite? these days i oni sp ard 3hrs per day cz bb dun slp well from 11pm till 8am. den i got to b on standby from 9-11 cz mil bring small kid to apple class. soon its nooon, how to slp? ur mum might noe i m tired but she cant help much cz she got tons of things to do n worry. i dun wan to add on her burden esp i dun nid to do ani housework. so i keep everythin to myeslf as much as i could. aft havin so little time to slp, yet u tell mi u r tired n wan to slp early. who wun feel piss..but nvm...

m i reali too much to say tt in sms tt u giv mi black face? aft bb is out, n when i reali cant stand my stress lvl, i sms u abt how i feel. u nv say sorry to mi, u oni show black face. help abit but soon u forget abt my sms n everything back to normal. dont u noe u reali dun look like u hav a daughter at home liao? i wanted a nice tok w u n settle things peacefully. not saying things den forget it soon. dun owas tell mi off of things i did poorly as u tink. if u r so great, show it to mi. i m someone hu oni listen if tt person show mi tt he/she is capable of doin e thing he/she wans mi to do.

aft i sms u, we tok like stranger. yes i throw bb to u to take care aft u saw e sms. i went to slp while bb cryin even though she by ur side. i didnt help. y? cz when i m experiencing it, u nv come to my rescue. i wan u to noe how i feel when i m alone w her. sometimes u noe my plot but yet u do nth to it. i aldy look like a single mum thru out my pregnancy n labouring, yet i still look like one even bb is out?! i envy ppl hu hav their hubby by their sides to giv them support when they r in pain for labouring. cz my hubby was beside mi slping n watching tv while i was in pain. it look as if i m not carrying ur bb. lucky my curtain r drawn, if not ppl see liao tot hu is this guy if he is not my hubby. theres no pt of acting caring towards mi n bb when got ppl ard, its too fake. i rather b alone. y u care so much abt mian zi? sometimes i juz hate e fact u mind tt.

argh.... so sian w llife.. been slpin in study room so many days... 4walls, no tv... i oni can c yao lan n my mattress n books ard mi. n baby. i cant play pc cz i m struggling to hav rest while i m lookin out if bb moves alot or make noise. i can go crazy w tt kind of environment. i did went crazy a few times n situation doesnt improve. i tink its time for mi to go chiong liao. i seen u havin too much fun time outside when i m at home takin care of bb. i shall organise one this week or next week. u better rem wat i said in my sms. dun giv mi birdie when i wanna go out. n nv try to throw bb to ur mum to take care instead.

i dont even noe if hubby would read this but i juz write in e form of tellin him in my blog cz i feel better using this method. k la, wrote v long... bb juz slpt, i go try to hav some rest too. n of cz i hope i can hav a nice tok w him to settle everything n not havin cold war.

tkae care folks~
I WAS HERE @ 7:32 PM l 0Comment

paiseh, accidentally del e 1st line, which is : 面带微笑离开你怀里 我听天由命
a song by ah mei which i heard on radio when i went back to giv cny tings to my mum.
e following lines r v true to mi:
爱情已经过了甜蜜期
多说也是无益
爱不爱我已经没关系
一点小伤而已
你可以很放心
我不会为了留你
假装可伶兮兮
都怪我 太不争气
我恨我爱你
Oh~ 我爱你
只是因为你是你
Oh~ 我恨你
你有我看也看不清的小聪明
你有我说也说不完的坏脾气
你有我数也数不尽你的…
.新恋情

yes, i hate myself for loving u. hate myself for giving up a great guy for you. for someone hu owas duno how to cherish ppl oni when they leave. hate myeslf for tinking too much for others which oni result myself for getting hurt. n wat do i do in e end? complaining to others abt how unfair my life is. which its all becz of myself tt result my life to end up this way.

juz sms hubby sth last nite when he went out from 3pm till 2am. e nite be4, he went drinking till drank, his fren got to send him home for tt. send him home when i was feedin baby. i knew it would happen when his fren sms mi if i m awake. this time, i dont feel worried for him compared to how i would in e past. i juz tinkin, y e father of my bb is doing this again? does he has so much unhappiness or topics to share w others till he get drunk? if drinkin can numb someone, i tink i wan to do it to myself. i m v vexed abt it. i cant go out drink so wat i do? i drink my yang ming jiu at home, oso 40% alcohol n its gd for health~! wahahaa... i oso get abit blur for drinking tt ok? hehee.. still gt 1.5bot of tt to finish, not forgetting e few boxes of essence tt i havent drink yet.

sms him..y he noe its unfair to mi yet he do nth to it. tellin him tt i spent too much time on bb till i do not hav spare time for myself. i trying to look for new job yet i no time to edit resume n send it out.
I WAS HERE @ 6:17 PM l 0Comment

我恨我爱你
歌手：张惠妹　专辑：真实
词:郑淑妃 曲:陈达伟

我听天由命
最后一张王牌在手里
二选一的机率
不能放纵爱你
就放过自己
爱情已经过了甜蜜期
多说也是无益
爱不爱我已经没关系
一点小伤而已
你可以很放心
我不会为了留你
假装可伶兮兮
都怪我 太不争气
我恨我爱你
Oh~ 我爱你
只是因为你是你
Oh~ 我恨你
你有我看也看不清的小聪明
你有我说也说不完的坏脾气
你有我数也数不尽你的…
.新恋情
爱情已经过了甜蜜期
多说也是无益
爱不爱我已经没关系
一点小伤而已
你可以很放心
我不会为了留你
假装可伶兮兮
都怪我 太不争气
我恨我爱你
Oh~ 我爱你
只是因为你是你
Oh~ 我恨你
你有我看也看不清的小聪明
你有我说也说不完的坏脾气
你有我数也数不尽你的…
.新恋情
没关系…
我有你拿也拿不走的旧回忆
我可以一个人安静的忘记你
我恨你最后那一句
我爱你
I WAS HERE @ 6:12 PM l 0Comment