NaMe : AmBeR
Loves : AvErLyN
Hates : BiTchEs, LiArs, BeTraYaL
Fears : CoCkroAchEs
Weakness : Soft-hearted = FOOLISHNESS

:: get a car by 28 ::
:: get a car license by 26 ::
:: get a house by 26 ::
:: to weigh 45kg ::
:: to go swimming twice per month ::
:: get osim product for my parents ::
:: go for yoga lessons ::
:: go for holiday trips ::
:: to bake my first cake ::
:: go drinking once per month ::
:: to buy psp ::
:: start saving money ::
:: get promotion ::
:: to b blessed in my life ::

:: Agu ::
:: Christina ::
:: Esther ::
:: Geswin ::
:: Gracina ::
:: Hsien Yung ::
:: Hui Si ::
:: Jun Wei ::
:: Li Ting ::
:: Liwen ::
:: Wayne ::
:: Wei Ting ::
:: Yan Qi ::
:: Yan Wan ::
:: Yong Xing ::
:: Yuki ::

Melissa's Design

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wow.. q alot of ppl went to st james last night... hmm... total of 16pp. well, it started off q boring in e beginning, oni start to warm up when we start to toast to those hu aldy quit, hu is henry, haha.. den mi? i got to go ard taking pic with everyone bcz i oso leaving in 2weeks time. of cz the one i took w mike is e most special, ahha.. i even close my eyes~! secret secret, shall not let u all c, hehe..

wat we had? 1 johnny walker 2 hennessy, 6 75ml moet, 2jug tiger, but of cz e tiger is for mike, i oni drink half cup cz i share w col when mike wan her to bottom it. so we ta here ta there.. drink ok la, but at tiems they put a lot of liquer inside till its worst when u hav to ta it all.

on e way w ling n col, i abit blur liao cz of e tiger i drank when we r leaving, i m bad in beer n wine. sms him if he can cut down playing game for both of us... he replied 'ya'. den i oso duno wat to reply him back.. so jz tell him nvm.. i tink i juz too used to go back his side aft drinking and someone for mi to hug when i m blur blur. but was trying to control it, thus i sms him sth tt i oso duno y i m asking. diao.. tink he oso noe i drank to c my sms in e middle of e night

back home at 3am den i collapse on my bed.. bu zi bu jue slp lidat till 6am den i go wash up n go back slp again. n again, i do not hav gd dreams. dreamt tt he had a gal again.. omg.. y i kp having similar dreams? my bottom left eyelid kp jumping til i m v fed up. bcz it works v well on mi, when it jump i noe sth gonna happen but i duno wat is it. it can b regarding r/s, work n family. but it juz kp jumping for 2weeks liao........... so tl esp its jumping on the 'anger' side.

argh..duno y i still hav e urge to go drink tonight at instinct but i nv ask anione along yet. duno to call jenny bcz we had some prob when we last meet up. i oso dun wan to tell her things tt r happening, cz later duno wat her bf wanna do to hubby again. i juz wan to get drunk till v jialat den juz slp lidat till morn. hopin he can come n pick mi up. but but of cz i hoping he can look for mi personally to ask mi go home. reservist is over.. he shdnt hav excuse ba... ytd msn mi whether i goin back for dinner... tink he tryin to make everything back to normal lifestyle again...

this week i hav 4 birthday gal n boys. wow.. its apr again.. a month i can look forward to but yet sad if i noe wat gonna happened. maybe i b there singing wen lan 'zhu wo sheng ri kuai le'. 1st bday w him, he nv make ani plan beforehand. juz rush to get a bonquet of w.tulips n a tigger for mi. a swensen cake to eat at his ahma house n go instinct at nite. tts how boring my 21st bday was 'celebrated'. last yr, i had a touching one bcz he went shipping for a few weeks n he not used not seeing me so he been v sweet to mi tt period of time. esp he specially worked 24hrs straight juz to get off day on my day n rush back to shore. waiting for mi at the arrival hall. jz when i cant find him in e crowd n tot i gonna b disappointed again, he shown up n i m so touched. even go home liao, n aft my shower, he blindfolded mi n carried mi to his bed to eat e cake.

simple actions but easily melt my heart.. n tt is e period when i said i do to him w/o ani formal wedding proposal. owas so envious others propose to their wife till e gal cried. suan le, i m married liao, shant tink abt it. wat would happen this yr? i duno.. every march of e yr, we sure quarrel badly, duno y.. den how to celebrate happily? like now... hai..try to b contented w my bb ard ba. shant not hope for more.......

k k, stop here... juz woke up.. hav to wash clothes liao..as for tonight.. hmm.. hai..duno la..
got to go work later! 6days straight liao.. next week oso 6days straight.. omg omg omg.... but nvm, sun vivo chalet, mon bishan chalet, i muz spent e time happily.. cz i noe once i go back i wun control myself to attend lesser, so i muz enjoy!!!

take care folks~!
I WAS HERE @ 11:52 AM l 0Comment

lookin at e yao lan in my room, all her milk bottles n toys r kept away.. seein all these made mi feel so empty inside, so down...

1st nite w/o her, i went kbox.. 2nd time went out w colleagues. had our dinner at shodoku at raffles city b1, sth like mache n the village concept den we walked to mill. walk for drink. nv drink much, mi n col had 2 cups of 0.5 light beer while e rest had 1 cup. its taste sweet.. i tot i can get drunk abit n forget everything, but i din..

went home n see e bb stuffs, i feel so down. i miss her alot... wondering hw is she doin now.. hope she treat her gd...

wed... going to vivo for fresh food policy, den shall meet col n ling for dinner.. den weekend go to vivo n bishan chalet.. lots of catch up to do.. do when bb is not ard. i m not passing my bb to her becz i wan to go out. i can dun go for my bb. bb is owas in my 1st priority.. but no one is helpin mi when i go out... i oni can pass to her.. i m not stable till i m able to hire maid. i noe if hire maid, they will make noise. oso nid time to trust maid. so i oni can pass to her.

well well well.. hope i enjoy e upcoming events.. i nid plently of drinks. shall i? shall i go instinct? wish to drink till i drop everyday.. forget everything.. hoping he could come n find mi, but nv...stil not happening.. he might say its cz he doin reservist.. cz he can giv many excuse... mayb i dun stand a v imprt place in his heart. not imprt til he dun even bother to look for mi...suan le.. aldy 17days nv see him. he dun miss mi at all? suan le.. deep in my heart i juz hope he do sth touching for mi to go back. he shd noe tt my heart melts easily.

sian... tink my bday gonna b a lonely n sad one again... oni last yr is a touching one.. but its bcz he oni has mi tt time, i mean he miss mi when he go shipping.. e scenes at airport n how he surprise mi in e room, all still in my mind.

aiya..my mum distract mi.. writing so emo till wanna cry she walked in. still piss w her. no pt telling mi how tough is it to feed e 2bb of my 3rd sis.. i noe she is old to take care of my bb, i dun blame her for wanting to help my sis than mi. cz my sis dun hav ani inlaws to help her, n i hav, n my inlaw treat my bb well.

k la.. gonna prepare for work... mc let mi go work late cz bs too quiet.. ok la, i shall go make up n go.. dun feel gd to go work late though i m allowed to..

take care folks...
I WAS HERE @ 1:33 PM l 0Comment

1st night w/o my averlyn... so weird... sth missing at home... damn..how m i going to cope with it for e next few weeks w/o her slping by my side....

many reasons tt caused mi to leave her to his family.. i really dun wish to let her leave my side at all times.. but i dun hav ani other option.. unless i m a millionaire n dun nid to work... i dun wish to admit failure esp in his mum eyes.. since she like to compare mi w others tt time, she most prob b laughin inside tt i letting her to take care of my bb.... hao bu gan yuan.. e feeling is terrible... n today, at his ah ma house, when his mum feed her, she kp crying, i wanted to carry her back to feed but she like kp hugging her, refused to let mi carry, even i tried to calm bb down by smoothin her hand, she turned away... wtf. she did not tok to mi at all ok.. den dun blame mi for not seeing her in my eyes, dun expect mi to respect her. duno hu is in e wrong first to deserve such treatment. if she wan to say mi for nt being a gd mum, i tink she is slapping her own face. nvm, war is aldy declared, once i m stable, i shall not see her as much as i can.

mum cant help mi animore, wat can i do.. even she, my own mum telling mi things tt she hope i can do.. but dun she noe she made mi disappointed in her n dun she noe i m so hurt yet ask mi to accept her wish? she is too traditional woman thinkin... i cant b lidat.... forever i mean... juz v disappointed in her these days.. when e morning she said she doubt mi, i slammed my door infront of her. i still dun feel bad bcz she hurt mi terrrible by doubting mi.

i took ALOT of pic of my bb n mi last nite aft tellin him tt i leaving bb to his family for e moment.. tears dropped when i see her slping on my bed.. i noe she is slping but i cant control but carried her up n cried hugging her. she slping so peacefully, not knowing how sad her mum feels... in tt afternn, i even just went to buy new milk bottle, toy n clothes for her.... argh..... she must not forget mi when i go to visit her when i m free.. she must not...

jz went kbox w col bcz i felt disappointed for him not turning up at ah ma house. he noe tt i m there yet he said he went to take sth n having dinner outside. anithing more den seeing his wife aft 2weeks? he din look for mi personally all these while. and today i was hoping he appeared to make mi feel tt he wanna do sth to it but again.. i m disappointed. be it he did it on purpose or not, i do not wan to put words into his mouth. but i m juz v v v v v v disappointed. his dad ask mi to move back asap. bt seeing today, tell mi how? its not i m cold blooded.. if i m, i wun even turned up at his ahma house. ...

argh........now even hp dun allow mi msn.. last time can but y today onwards it failed? argh...
dun make mi feel tt things falling apart for mi again... i m forcing myself to stay positive~!!
argh.. hope e up coming outing for outlets chalet will cheer mi up. i m so tired..........................
I WAS HERE @ 3:06 AM l 0Comment

imagine u r e one getting hurt n betrayed.. yet ppl ard u doubt u for tt. how would u feel? how would u feel when one of them is ur own mum?

hr dun allow mi to clear leaves.. how i answer to my new company?

mum getting backache for taking care of my bb, she wanted to go back n help my 3rd sis, someone hu she owas complained being illtreated by.

went to his family wedding dinner, his mum treat mi like transparent.

e person hu caused all these still raising his voice at mi. instead of promising mi things tt he shdnt do again, he said he TRY. saying i controlling all his freedom n driving him mad if he follow wat i says. but i duno wat i can do, i reali dun cz i dun trust him n lose all sense of security in him. i never feel his sincerity at all along.
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tell mi wat's gd happening in my life? hav i did anithing wrong in my life? tolerating things within mi n being hardworkin in everything nid i do, wat do i get in return? wats e pt of treating ppl gd? y ppl w bad character gets wat they wan? wat damn thing i did in previous life to deserve all these now?

if god trying to tell mi tt 'i still wan to make a hell of ur life, make u suffer like no ppl business'?
come n take my life now la, let mi walk on street get knock down by car, get lightning struck, ate poisonous food n die. come la, wat else worst u wan to make mi suffer? come n challenge lo. better still, u let mi end it myself, tts wat u wan rite? i see no pt of living in this ugly n injustice world animore. i juz dun hav e courage to end it. but u dare to giv mi more headache n challenges, i dare u~!
I WAS HERE @ 2:35 PM l 0Comment

emo emo emo...

rotting in office now while waiting for eos staff. happened to c my cctv n saw a couple quarrelling and e gal juz throw her wallet n walked off. hai.. see liao, more emo..

omg.. they dun allow mi to clear leave.. howhowhow............. i nid to go asap....

ARGH~! y even workplace oso dun giv mi wat i wan.
y everything abt mi is going wrong.......... wat hav i done so bad in my previous life to deserve this... my life is CURSED~!

tired..emo~!!! yet hav to act hapi infront of ppl.. its so tiring~! hu can b there when i nid a hug...
i cant b weak now n for the next few mnths.. i cant... EMO~!
I WAS HERE @ 11:26 PM l 0Comment

argh~!! tired~!
taking care of bb is not tiring.. even it is, i m willing to accept it..
now at amk house, i feel happier with my mum ard, she is there to help mi whenever i nid.
when i m v tired frm work or not enuf slp, she owas volunteer to help mi w/o mi asking.
when i goin to work, mum owas there to cook for mi despite i nv ask her to or not hungry.
when i m hungry n no time to cook for mi, she owas rush down to buy food for mi.
i made her angry n sad so many times yet she owas care so much for mi.
this time i m back with bb i will treat her even better or share tasks with her.

i m tired to ans phonecalls n sms from several ppl almost everyday. worst thign is i hav to repeat same story everytime. reali tired for thigns they r doing which make mi v piss off. which i shall not mention here cz i m v tired.

i asked to cool down but i tink he still dun get it. its reali pointless to call mi when its things tt is not my fault or i ask ppl to do. i reali tired to listen to him raising voice at mi. so i juz hang up.
i m realli tired lo.. at work busy due to sch holi n cutting labour cost. den at home takin care of bb. not forgetting tt time kp goin out to buy bb stuffs all by myself. imagine i carryin e entire portable yaolan by myself in e rain...omg..

hai.. hope he cherish e option i gav him. if not i reali duno wat to say.. i m juz v tired frm all these... n now i shall go to slp.. so tired back frm the dinner...
i will take care... for my bb i wil b strong~!!!! ARGHHH!!! i hate my life~!
I WAS HERE @ 2:09 AM l 0Comment

Our first and only family photo



I WAS HERE @ 3:43 AM l 0Comment

Hmm... juz back from an interview.. duno if i did it right. interviewer said alot to mi, about company about job scope, chat chat abit.. about 35mins? she hoping to get someone hu can get used to this very basic job to work for long. and while she telling me about other dept, i m thinkin if tts wat i wan. yes, v basic n i dun hav to use brains to work. but is tt wat i wan for the next few yrs?

when e interview is coming to an end, i told her this is not wat i wan. i wanted some job tt can mkae mi keep learning new tings. i dun wan to waste her time by tryin out e post a few mnths den quit. i wun quit so fast but i noe i wun stay long if i take up the post. she agree with me too. haha..

though i made a decision, i not sure if i make e rite one...tts y kp contacting hubby for small matters cz i wan to do things tt stop mi from thinkin too much..as in i duno i did it rite anot..

sian.. come home but hubby not ard.. tot he had red eye so he half day.. den tell mi tt he go tkae lappie den now heard tt he not home for dinner..aiyo him... eye red still dun wan to rest more...hai...later duno how long he nid to rest to recover... hope it dun affect his work.

i was rather happy tt he said he wwanna stop playing WoW. z lidat he can concentrate on his work more n i dun like him to keep playing WoW.. its affecting his health too.. owas not enuf slp n fall sick easily, somemore owas backache.

stop here liao.. time for dinner...

bye guys~
I WAS HERE @ 5:17 PM l 0Comment