Sunday, March 23, 2008

misery..tired...

1st night w/o my averlyn... so weird... sth missing at home... damn..how m i going to cope with it for e next few weeks w/o her slping by my side....

many reasons tt caused mi to leave her to his family.. i really dun wish to let her leave my side at all times.. but i dun hav ani other option.. unless i m a millionaire n dun nid to work... i dun wish to admit failure esp in his mum eyes.. since she like to compare mi w others tt time, she most prob b laughin inside tt i letting her to take care of my bb.... hao bu gan yuan.. e feeling is terrible... n today, at his ah ma house, when his mum feed her, she kp crying, i wanted to carry her back to feed but she like kp hugging her, refused to let mi carry, even i tried to calm bb down by smoothin her hand, she turned away... wtf. she did not tok to mi at all ok.. den dun blame mi for not seeing her in my eyes, dun expect mi to respect her. duno hu is in e wrong first to deserve such treatment. if she wan to say mi for nt being a gd mum, i tink she is slapping her own face. nvm, war is aldy declared, once i m stable, i shall not see her as much as i can.

mum cant help mi animore, wat can i do.. even she, my own mum telling mi things tt she hope i can do.. but dun she noe she made mi disappointed in her n dun she noe i m so hurt yet ask mi to accept her wish? she is too traditional woman thinkin... i cant b lidat.... forever i mean... juz v disappointed in her these days.. when e morning she said she doubt mi, i slammed my door infront of her. i still dun feel bad bcz she hurt mi terrrible by doubting mi.

i took ALOT of pic of my bb n mi last nite aft tellin him tt i leaving bb to his family for e moment.. tears dropped when i see her slping on my bed.. i noe she is slping but i cant control but carried her up n cried hugging her. she slping so peacefully, not knowing how sad her mum feels... in tt afternn, i even just went to buy new milk bottle, toy n clothes for her.... argh..... she must not forget mi when i go to visit her when i m free.. she must not...

jz went kbox w col bcz i felt disappointed for him not turning up at ah ma house. he noe tt i m there yet he said he went to take sth n having dinner outside. anithing more den seeing his wife aft 2weeks? he din look for mi personally all these while. and today i was hoping he appeared to make mi feel tt he wanna do sth to it but again.. i m disappointed. be it he did it on purpose or not, i do not wan to put words into his mouth. but i m juz v v v v v v disappointed. his dad ask mi to move back asap. bt seeing today, tell mi how? its not i m cold blooded.. if i m, i wun even turned up at his ahma house. ...

argh........now even hp dun allow mi msn.. last time can but y today onwards it failed? argh...
dun make mi feel tt things falling apart for mi again... i m forcing myself to stay positive~!!
argh.. hope e up coming outing for outlets chalet will cheer mi up. i m so tired..........................

I WAS HERE @ 3:06 AM l 0Comment