Yes, i guess most of u hav know wat is happening.
Thx for the support.
Can i release everything out here? can i? tears tt i been holding on the whole day due to work?
yes i did let out now..cz i reali nid a shoulder for comfort now. y suddenly i become so weak? its all becz of e ad i saw on tv mobile today when i goin for work. sayin 4 new mamas stay in e same ward. one by one takin pics with husbands n their new born. my tears just dash out suddenly and i quickly alight..
oh god.. i cant stop crying... browsing thru bb pic last nite i cried. now browsing thru our wedding pics my tears r flowing non stop.. argh~!!!!!!!!!!!

will i be able to have the courage to wear a wedding gown ever again? will i be able to entrust my future with a guy? or is my bb able to call someone as her new father? tts too far to tink of. but i noe tt i wun b able to walk out this dark clouds so soon. i might seem calm n strong to some now but inside my heart, i m forcing myself to b doing well.

i m in complete lost at work today, made several mistakes. patron askin abt axs machine i heard into atm machine. patrons askin for 2 tix n i tell them 1. i m staring at the sky, looking at stars whenever i hav sesson break. i reali no mood to work but i cant run away. i nid my late night allowance. today n tml i must hold on. now, any extra income i could hav i wun not let go. becz i will b alone for my bb from now on.

in fact i wanted to update blog last nite bt my sis keyboard is makin my mood to turn bad to worst. all letters r link tgt, i had a hard time to express my tots to frenz. but now i juz bought a new keyboard now, so everything is fine.

this period of time i hav to do alot of things. once bb move over, i hav to b even more responsible m strong for my bb. single mum... can i do it? i tink i left with no choice.

most ppl reprimanding mi for wat had happened. though its him hu did wrong, i have fault too. blame on myself to giv him a chance to marry mi. knowing his char is lidat n so many object, i put e biggest stake of my life into him. all bcz i hope tt he will get rid of his old habit n b a gd dad. n i wanted to let my bb to hav a complete family. i tot aft all we had went thru he will get rid of tt habit. but i m wrong again.. v wrong again. i made my bb to live in misery with mi. how do or how shall i plan her future well? i noe tt compare between me and him, i will do a better job. i noe how to take care of bb. her habit all at e back of my finger tip.

honestly, deep in my heart. i do love him. i duno y. aft wat he had done, i still miss him. despite he owas ignoring me at home, i just duno y. i did tot of givin a chance bt i noe i hav to stop tt thinking. cz i noe he will go back to it again, den everything will replay. by then it will b too late. our bb wil b older. i rather get her out from him when she still duno anithing. he just never learn his lesson despite we r married n has a bb. i hav to giv up all hope in him, i must force myself to do tt.

i duno wat to say now too.. while i m still free now, i just wanna do things i wan now. so long nv buy alcohol home to drink.. at 1st plannin to go kbox with agu n miss chai but e latter too tired. n i noe if i go kbox i gonna scream n cry it out. i been holding it back e whole day i reali wanted to release. tot i can find someone to chat when i reach home but i m wrong. i had a bad time doin closing. this is my 1st closing shift aft 3months. so lost n my closing staffs r young boys hu cant help mi much, thx agu for callin office to help mi out.

charm..been practising drinking at home using DOM, now i bought 2bottles of alcohol from 7-11 n i still clear. argh........ ppl.. let mi be myself... i just wan to release out be4 bb arrive to my house. i realli nid one.... now listening to all songs related to both of us. some songs fit for us so well. jie kou, smell of lemongrass, sorry, wo zhen de shou shang le. many many.

sorry bb.. we oni hav e 1st and only family photo attached below. ur father dun like to take pics so this is e only one. .................................stop here liao.. duno wat else to say...