NaMe : AmBeR
Loves : AvErLyN
Hates : BiTchEs, LiArs, BeTraYaL
Fears : CoCkroAchEs
Weakness : Soft-hearted = FOOLISHNESS

:: get a car by 28 ::
:: get a car license by 26 ::
:: get a house by 26 ::
:: to weigh 45kg ::
:: to go swimming twice per month ::
:: get osim product for my parents ::
:: go for yoga lessons ::
:: go for holiday trips ::
:: to bake my first cake ::
:: go drinking once per month ::
:: to buy psp ::
:: start saving money ::
:: get promotion ::
:: to b blessed in my life ::

:: Agu ::
:: Christina ::
:: Esther ::
:: Geswin ::
:: Gracina ::
:: Hsien Yung ::
:: Hui Si ::
:: Jun Wei ::
:: Li Ting ::
:: Liwen ::
:: Wayne ::
:: Wei Ting ::
:: Yan Qi ::
:: Yan Wan ::
:: Yong Xing ::
:: Yuki ::

Melissa's Design

April 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
August 2009
September 2009

柠檬草的味道
借口
擦身而过
我怀念的
我真的受伤了
爱哭鬼
你
洋葱
我恨我爱你
你那么爱她
最近

juz went kbox w colleen.. sang q alot of songs.. abv are some tt are meaningful. some made mi cry there as well.

so tired.. finally i made it till e weekend, had a v hard time to force myself not to b affected at work, yet the stress lvl is piling up till i cant breathe at work.
hate to countdown to my day.
i was yearning for this day to c changes n surprises from him 1+ week ago.
yes he giv mi a BIG surprise. so big till i duno to thx him anot.

e oni best bday i ever had i guessed its oni last yr. n tt is history n i noe it wun repeat. cz no matter wat he can do now, nth can change my mind.
when there is chance to admit it, he denied. to me, admitting to ur mistakes = u still hav hope. e advisor still can say he dun admit cz he wan this marriage.

damn piss off with her. i nv believed in her.
she nv fall in love thus she duno all these n giv stupid advises.
so what she is advisor, i still dun giv her face n stomp off aft screaming at her. i had enuf. reali enuf of everything. when things happened, e 2 criminals denied everything. everyone tink i m crazy. they will have their retribution. esp her. i will swear tt i dun mind cutting short my life but i will haunt her even aft i die. she will b cursed by mi till she died horribly one day. yes i sounded scary but tts e result of getting warnings yet refused to listen and still acting innocent in front of her frens. this kind of ppl deserved punishment one day. i do not nid to do anithing cz i believed in retribution. both of them will never b able to live with their conscience clear.

i've lost all hopes in him. i dun giv a damn even he showed concern when he noe tt i fell sick ytd. when he has e responsibilty to care for mi he din. he juz noe how to tear my heart apart again n again. or shd i say, he shared all his love w tt slut. i had enuf. reali enuf.

i dun tink i deserved such a life. everyone hu noe mi by person shd noe wat sort of person am i. i shouldnt b leading this kind of life at all. i had done enuf. so let mi leave with my bb peacefully if u still hv tt conscience for ur family. stop my suffering and let me b reborn.

u asked for time to change but these 2weeks it shows everything. i kp quiet all along. since e day i moved out till i back here, i all along knew sth is outside. but i choose to kp quiet cz i waiting for u to end it. how terrible i been feeling when i try to hug u to slp when u finally log off ur game. becz i noe tt i m not e oni one hugging u now. how much care n concern i m trying to show u but u didnt appreciate it cz all ur mind is on WoW n her. how much doubts i been controlling to say out when u trying to hide sth frm mi. i m not dumb, i told u before. my senses is very accurate. i noe ur char at e tips of ur fingers. wat would u do if u reali wan someone back and wat would u do when u hav a new target outside, i noe it by heart. but u just want to try ur luck. but luck can b used up 1 day.

ur luck might not end now. as in luck with gals outside. but for luck to kp a family going is gone. completely gone. bcz u nv cherish it at all, u still wan to have fun outside. i m tired. let me go with our bb. she will n she must be by my side one day. pls do not stop mi. pls do not make mi hate u even further. yes, to get 2 person to b married requires fate but our fate is up. e email tt jas sent is supposed to tell u to cherish ur wife n stop fooling outside. yet u send it to her, tellin her tt love nid courage. damn ass.. y would our fren send us such things if its meant to encourage u having fun outside.

nvm, wrote enuf.. v v tired, i nid a long rest. yet i hav to b strong for my bb. again i m forced to b more matured n independent. wondering y ppl at my age r much more fortunate den mi. but i noe tt thigns happened for a reason.

take care folks
I WAS HERE @ 3:48 AM l 0Comment

wow.. been controlling for days yet i finally let it out softly now.
all thx to ck, someone hu we v v v seldom meet but owas there to b my counsellor since sec sch.

painful decision to make now.
a decision tt i hav to struggle with my personal mindset.
i m struggling v hard for it.

i noe outsiders can giv a clearer n better solutions but its all abt myself.
i noe there are many who hav been supporting me all along.
they are owas there. yet its mi myself hu keep on letting myself to suffer.
its mi myself hu make my life more miserable.

i hav to be strong for this coming decision.

<<柠檬草的味道>>

我们都没错　只是不适合　
我要的　我现在才懂得
快乐是我的　不是你给的　
寂寞要自己负责
我要的　我现在才懂得
选择是我的　不是你给的　
幸福要自己负责
错过的　请你把握

still this song. a song tt i found it myself and i start spreading to my frenz till they oso kinda like it. v meaningful song which i mentioned in much earlier blog.

i shall stop here. been insonmia for days. struggling to b awake n attentive at new workplace despite the stress level is piling up.
hope i dun wake up so many times in e middle of the nite later again.
i will take care folks. i have to live a better life. this time its a MUST.
i let down too many ppl for all my decisions tt i had made these years.

to u who might b reading my blog as usual. i might be bad to do those things. but dun try to point fingers at me again. before u point, tink abt how many tubes of super glue n tissues i had used over the yrs.
never step my tail for the second time. once stepped, u trigger e volcano which hide deep in my heart.

like i owas say: Life is NEVER been fair to me. so true...tink abt it.
recall the things i did n sacrified for u over the yrs. u owas said u noe but u nv cherished. i m reali tired...
I WAS HERE @ 12:08 AM l 0Comment

to the slut and bastard who will be reading my blog v soon.

So Sad tt the lawful wife has saw and read the blog that is created just for both of u. juz bcz the bastard forget to clear the history and i managed to read it. i have been suspecting long ago and decided to keep quiet but too bad, its too obvious for me not to see.

the content that both of u wrote fit so exactly to whats between both of u, his work, his family his camp and mi that i noe tt its 100% u.
i warned u beforehead yet u ignored my msg. juz 1 word for u, SLUT

for u bastard. i have been tryin to treat u nice despite i m not in e wrong frm the start. i wanted a family for averlyn n yet U destroyed it again. 2nd March 2008. the day u 2 started the r/s. again, i m rite, i owas caught u when u hav sth outside, pls contd to celebrate this day till she wear the wedding ring. Oops..i tink a woman like her will nv get married. even she does, she will nt b blessed.

i m not stupid. u can contd to insist to say tt u dun blog or hav nth with her, idiots oso wun believe. pls prepare 500bucks for my seperation letter and all the money tt i hav paid for ur bill n household fee.

nth will save this marriage. N-O-T-H-I-N-G
both of u contd despite i found out in mar, contd till now. but owas tink i m stupid. yes i m. the time when i said yes to u, i m reali stupid.

maybe hell welcome both of u soon.
hell bless both of u
I WAS HERE @ 12:28 PM l 0Comment

paiseh to all.. been busying with new company.. not reali busy cz i been yawning non stop everyday...haha..juz tt when i m back home i nid to take care of bb n hubby using pc, thus long time nv online.

i might b online in msn but i m stiill new in the company so i better dun msg too much cz they allow staffs to use msn is for communicating between colleagues n sometimes clients...

toking abt new company...well.. i agar agar count e phone list tt they update monthly..i have ard 300+ ppl...excluding all the factory workers...pretty big org as it has businesss in over ten other countries... i m handling Symantec products.. e biggest team in the program dept cz they r our biggest client.. most interesting thing is...they hav their own company song~! omg.. have to see if hav events and they even have their company day which is 22aug... its ok.. cz they run e business for 40yrs liao...

i m totally nuts abt supply chain.. reali learning frm e stratch.. argh.. tough.. many terms i dun understand..lucky my hod let mi do reports first cz she oso scare i cant absorb tt super fast esp i m so new to this industry, but seeing colleagues ard mi so busy n stress n i cant help at all.. so helpless..

now everyday my colleague teach mi new things..sometimes q easy to pick up , so i learn tasks tt r supposed to b taught tml.. most of my free time i do my own revision or do own notes. so long nv do all these..hahaha..

k la.. hubby change this new keyboard, so hard to press...v tiring to press~!!!
tml or see when i free i update pics...jz had zhen jiu on my right hand.. q weak for tt hand n yet got to carry bb..sian..

btw.. i m glad tt many of u r concerned abt my situation now...
i oni can say... nth much has changed aft i moved back..
i juz try to heck care more things now...
how i hope i can c changes in him.. but lets wait n see ba..but hope he dun let mi wait too long..
n hope he rem a day 2weeks later.. if he forgets..hmm..which he might...hmm.. i duno wat to say..

take care folks~
I WAS HERE @ 8:30 PM l 0Comment

argh... early in the morning, checking thru' mon & tue emails.. esp the email i shoot hq.. expected n i reali did kena shoot back, esp e SY~! b*t**! i m juz hoping tt they can stop sending reminder to us to prompt patrons qns n stop sending us tents to display esp we r aldy over crowded with it. it juz made the counters so messy, so ugly. n we had tons of promo n tons of qn to ask patron be4 we can select seats for them. so mafan.

n wat she reply? ask mi to understand this is mktg strategy, to create awareness, fei hua.. blind oso can c. saying they wun stop reminding us cz some loc nv do it. kns... tink we reali free ar.... come n sell tic for 1 sat n they will noe lo.. one tue oso can. wa lao.. if they try it, they will confirm shut their mouth n stop sending such email to us. no one protecting us.. all wan us work till faint. tink we r super humans.. so many promo, once goes wrong, we kena scold, kena shoot in e email. but commission? goes to them. fair?

nvm, i shoot tt email bcz i leaving liao. juz 2more shifts, tts y i heck care. since tm so brave to shoot back, i shall shoot some too. cz its reali unreasonable~!! hai.. big company but doesnt care abt their front line teams.. all r so exhausted... aldy abt 10 ppl quit liao.. how many more they wanna chase us out? hire so many new ppl but how many can make it? forget it

tml will have coke dispenser n safe servicing.. nvm, its my last morn shift.. tinking abt fri.. last day.. hope i m safe.. haha.. doin mid so i tink i can go home safely..

had some shoppin juz now, abit heartpain for e money but nvm, since he spent so much i oso can, somemore i owas on control. new job nid to wear more formal so i buy lo..hehe..

tml finally can watch Run Papa Run. a movie i expectin q long... he going with mi. hope he can make it n dun last min giv birdie. i reali hope he can watch it...

k la.. tired.. tml got to go work early.. i go shower n rest liao lo

bye bb....

*do not ask abt previous entry. its for mi to noe n rem nia
I WAS HERE @ 6:33 PM l 0Comment

1. half close n over

2. half close n ??
I WAS HERE @ 6:32 PM l 0Comment

oooo... this morn finally signed my appt letter.. but i m late for 10mins..felt so bad abt it..cz i nv like to b late. but nvm, they nv say anithing, haha..

well, aft tt i tried to take 178 bk to woodlands n omg.. 1hr travelling,, doze off in e bus...
aft tt go to amk to make my bb bank bk.. wa.. they askin me to consider other bank acct..wa.. so confused..
den i went to x stitch shop to photocopy e pics i chosen be4 i giv birth cz they nv copy properly for mi.. mi cant start doing it..

okok tok so much.. now watching 命中注定我愛你.. hmm.. storyline q similar to my life... abit wanna cry at some part..but nvm, its over liao..

abt my topic.. hmm.. my 3rd sis bring her 2 kids here for e afternn..well she dun wan to tok to mi so i oso dun tok to her lo.. i oso dun bother abt her kids.. mum complaining to mi how hard n long she takes to feed them. i dun seems to b concern abt it at all. bcause... tts wat she chosen.. no pt tellin mi tt my bb guai n drink milk so fast den complain tt her kids take abt 1hr to finish. e kids wan to stick to my mum, den stick lo... they r much more heavier den my bb lo, btu nvm la... she chosen this way. so let her take care.. i wun help.. cz when i feel so low, she doubt mi n wanna go back help them. so let her do wat she like lo.. i take care of other kids n my bb will do. tml is e day i movin back.. hope thigns will b fine... pray pray ba

take care folks~!
I WAS HERE @ 3:12 PM l 0Comment

Wow.. lots of birthday this week.
29th march=sun zi & bernard
30th march=wense
30/31st march = micheal t. (duno each day)
2nd april=gernard (my cute little nephew)
3rd april=wayne
4th april=weiting (nancy)

but still, one of e imprt person in my life bday is oso on the 4th april.
hope she is doin well n be treated nice by others if possible.
hope she noe tt i miss her and no amount of sorry could make up my guilt towards her.
she've changed my entire life, be it gd or bad, she is still my love.
lastly, i will nv forget this day till e day i die.. she will owas in my heart...
happy birthday to u
I WAS HERE @ 2:59 PM l 0Comment

argh... jz back frm bishan chalet.. full of mustard smell.. cant escape their saboing this time rd. consider lucky to b sabo at e later stage cz most ingredients used up. but my foot is pain cz i was running here n there to escape frm agu n hurt it. tink i too long nv run... cant wear high heels to work liao.. i mean for these days.

how abt e nite be4? mon nite? mi col fion n stephen went to shokudo at raffles city again n we still like e food, then we went to mike house for gathering.. n wow, most of us r ppl hu quit. hahaa.. we were talking abt our new company benefits, haha.. had fun playing with Wii, playing tennis in it. q hard to capture some moves but yet its tiring~! ahaha.. went there for 3hrs? n i nv touch ani alcohol o~ heheeh...but glad tt most of them get a new job liao..

sun nite...vivo chalet.. went there v early.. 530pm.. we started to eat e food once they arrive, n its like tons of food. bbq items, beehoon n fried rice.. n the $900++ buffet.. which dun look nice n leftover alot..haha... i did not drink much too, oni 1.5 can of heinken. spent most of e time cooking and chatting. q odd cz i aldy left vivo bt still ok since i noe most of e staffs..

sat nite.. felt like drinking alot.. juz nice col went to j8 with her fren n askin mi for prog... so i meet her aft my shift at 10pm to go instinct bcz i noe hubby got balance of 1 full bot of chivals thre for abt 2+mnths? hahaa.. mayb tts y it taste light n we juz kp pouring it to make it thick. i noe tt i wanna get drunk, juz once for everything n i will stop. so i juz kp drinking till i blur n i ask hubby to come. cz he said he will come to fetch mi when i m done. so while waiting for him i aldy puke a few times in e pub while col puke when she went home, hahaa.. 2 gals finish almost 2/3 of e chivals in 2hrs time. *faint*

fri nite.. tink i updated in my previous blog so i shall not repeat.

wow.. seems busy rite? haha.. but tts it. no more outing i guess n i hope. time to go home.. i miss my bb terribly.. yet gettin more stress at work. ard 12 box office promo going on now. driving our ops team crazy n i pity our staffs, hav to noe so much yet oni $4/hr.. even mi myself oso dun wan to take such a job n tts not e end.. heard another promo coming tml. omg. realli overload w promo yet upper mgmt dun care abt us cz they oni wan to bring in more sales.... if let them try selling tic for 1 day, nono, juz 1 hr at box office on sat , they will noe how much we r suffering. aldy so many ppl leaving yet doin so much promo which drives ppl crazy. tink they driving everyone out.

argh.. tired.. juz washed e smelly clothes frm e chalet.. itchy all over.. tink i allegy to some of e items they mixed in e sabo. tml is e 2nd day.. its a 6days straight for mi, 5more days to go... omg... workin morning tml.. aft tt i can finally rest peacefully at home... thur got internal screening of 'run papa run' e chinese movie by louis ku n rene liu. i want to watch tt~! but internal screening i cant go in... but i will buy tic to watch it~!!

alrite, shall stop here.. to add on.. i m glad he is willing to try sth tt i noe he dislike. at least we try sth new. cz i dun wan to hav ani regret in future if it happen again.

take care folks~! byebye
I WAS HERE @ 2:14 AM l 0Comment